First post...
Jan. 26th, 2005 06:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rena_librarianI've been meaning to make this for a long time. For the record, except for this post, I'll likely type my entries at home, save them in notepad, and post them the next day.
And I will customize it someday when I have time to kill. Today is not that day.
One thing...I know some of my friends are okay with "swearing" (that's a rant in and of itself, lol, I'll save that for some other day) and others are not. I don't do it all that often, just when I get really teed off, and I don't want anyone to NOT read this because of that, so I will censor myself to the extent of putting just the first letter and stars instead of questionable words. I think it's a reasonable compromise, it's not like I'm "f-ing" this or that, it's usually just "d*** it" or s*** or whatever.
I think what's finally driving me to this is that the Dear Abby thread on DLBE only does me so much good. That and I get tired of telling three or four different people the exact same thing. If I post everything here maybe I'll save myself some work.
My grandma's in the hospital--AGAIN. She's been in and out for, like, two years, ever since she had that major heart surgery. (It was right before the family reunion, though, so maybe that was just last summer? No. Wait. A year-and-a-half-ish, I think. I forget.) The thing is, Dad said that the doctors are saying she probably won't make it out this time, that it's just a matter of time.
I'm not really upset about that. I'm old enough to deal with this, I think if this had happened back when I was ten or thirteen or whatever, it really would have rocked my world, but now I understand that she's old and she's sick and she's ready to go. I just saw her last night and she looked *okay*, but that's not nearly the same as *feeling great*, you know? She's not the Grandma I remember from when I was a kid. Or heck, even from three years ago.
I think she knows it's coming, too. She gave away a bunch of pillows at Christmas--let me explain. She does embroidery, makes quilts and stuff. Pretty much every one of her grandkids has at least one quilt and pillow, the married ones have two. So after everyone got one she made a bunch just to pass the time, but she gave a lot away this year. I got one. My two sisters each got one. And she's not making them any more, she really can't, arthritis, I guess.
And now I feel really guilty because I had my new Christmas pillow, crisp, white Christmas pillow, sitting in my chair, and I set a pizza pocket down on it and got grease on it.
But anyway. I was saying it's not that big a deal for me, I'm old enough to accept that she's ready to go and that she'd want me to be happy and all that. I really don't want to cling to her if she's just going to suffer. What worries me is Grandpa. They've been married over sixty years, and I'm afraid that no matter how good of health he's in, he's not going to last long without her. THAT is what bugs me about it.
And you know what? I am on my way to go see her (and likely Grandpa too, I can't imagine him not being there) now. I'll ramble more later.
And I will customize it someday when I have time to kill. Today is not that day.
One thing...I know some of my friends are okay with "swearing" (that's a rant in and of itself, lol, I'll save that for some other day) and others are not. I don't do it all that often, just when I get really teed off, and I don't want anyone to NOT read this because of that, so I will censor myself to the extent of putting just the first letter and stars instead of questionable words. I think it's a reasonable compromise, it's not like I'm "f-ing" this or that, it's usually just "d*** it" or s*** or whatever.
I think what's finally driving me to this is that the Dear Abby thread on DLBE only does me so much good. That and I get tired of telling three or four different people the exact same thing. If I post everything here maybe I'll save myself some work.
My grandma's in the hospital--AGAIN. She's been in and out for, like, two years, ever since she had that major heart surgery. (It was right before the family reunion, though, so maybe that was just last summer? No. Wait. A year-and-a-half-ish, I think. I forget.) The thing is, Dad said that the doctors are saying she probably won't make it out this time, that it's just a matter of time.
I'm not really upset about that. I'm old enough to deal with this, I think if this had happened back when I was ten or thirteen or whatever, it really would have rocked my world, but now I understand that she's old and she's sick and she's ready to go. I just saw her last night and she looked *okay*, but that's not nearly the same as *feeling great*, you know? She's not the Grandma I remember from when I was a kid. Or heck, even from three years ago.
I think she knows it's coming, too. She gave away a bunch of pillows at Christmas--let me explain. She does embroidery, makes quilts and stuff. Pretty much every one of her grandkids has at least one quilt and pillow, the married ones have two. So after everyone got one she made a bunch just to pass the time, but she gave a lot away this year. I got one. My two sisters each got one. And she's not making them any more, she really can't, arthritis, I guess.
And now I feel really guilty because I had my new Christmas pillow, crisp, white Christmas pillow, sitting in my chair, and I set a pizza pocket down on it and got grease on it.
But anyway. I was saying it's not that big a deal for me, I'm old enough to accept that she's ready to go and that she'd want me to be happy and all that. I really don't want to cling to her if she's just going to suffer. What worries me is Grandpa. They've been married over sixty years, and I'm afraid that no matter how good of health he's in, he's not going to last long without her. THAT is what bugs me about it.
And you know what? I am on my way to go see her (and likely Grandpa too, I can't imagine him not being there) now. I'll ramble more later.
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no subject
Date: 2005-01-27 01:35 am (UTC)Welcome aboard!
it wasn't me! I swear!
Date: 2005-01-27 08:24 pm (UTC)RenaissanceGrrl was taken, though, obviously. I'm RenaissanceGrrl_thelibrarian on Yahoo, but that was WAAAY too long, so since most messageboard people call me Rena, it seemed to fit. (I have actually contemplated this, I wouldn't mind answering to Rena as my real first name...)
no subject
Date: 2005-01-27 07:47 pm (UTC)It'll be okay.
ha ha, you should have seen it sarah that night after i got off the phone with you. We were all about to go to sleep when i randomly *burst* out laughing... I was litterly rolling on the floor laughing, gasping for air.... my god. No one even knew what i was laughing at... ahhhhhh.....
KADE! ^_^
Date: 2005-01-27 08:35 pm (UTC)Why WERE you laughing, out of curiosity?
Re: KADE! ^_^
Date: 2005-01-27 08:43 pm (UTC)I have *no* idea, that's the thing.... well, i sorta do but i can't really explain it. a commercial came on, and it reminded me of something which reminded me of something else which was sorta related to something we were all joking about earlier and it was just the funniest thing in the world to me at the time.......
okay, okay, so i was slightly drunk by that point....
no subject
Date: 2005-01-27 11:12 pm (UTC)Guess who!
Well, Rena, I'm not sure what to say, but I wish your grandparents the best. I'll pray for you guys.
WAFFLES!
Date: 2005-01-27 11:51 pm (UTC)I LOVE your avvy! CHICKEN DANCE! And a dancing banana, of all the crazy, random things...
Which reminds me. I'm going to use my "restless Eowyn" avvy here and change out my DLBE one all the time again. ^_-
Sisseh
Date: 2005-02-01 02:23 am (UTC)