rena_librarian: (Default)
I'm on Tumblr.

Let me know who you are, if you're there, too. (Michele and Brandy and Sara I know for sure are there.)

I intend to just reblog stuff, really. This, LJ, is my journal/blog. I have my website for permanent stuff. I may post links to my site on my Tumblr if I get fandom followers on Tumblr.

Goal: NOT to let it take over my life.

We'll see how well that works out.

ETA: Also, Google+. It's interesting, but I doubt it's going to replace Facebook--people like my dad and Dana have hopped on the Facebook bandwagon, but good luck ever getting them to switch.

Then again, maybe that's the awesome part.

ETA AGAIN: Oh hey, there's the correct link to my Tumblr!

sad news

Apr. 17th, 2011 03:25 am
rena_librarian: (Default)
Copied and pasted from Facebook.

I've blocked the people from work that I'm friends with on Facebook from viewing this as I'm trying to keep this quiet at work; I've told the supervisors but I just don't want to deal with the questions or the pity looks from my coworkers. It's hard enough getting work done without that kind of interruption.

Cody left last Friday. This isn't as much of a shock as it probably seems. We've been arguing for a while and I just haven't said anything to anyone because I didn't think things would end up like this. I thought we'd get things resolved. I wanted--still want--to work things out between us, but things have gotten to a point where I can't do it alone. Even if he called me up and wanted to come back, I would insist on going to marriage counseling. This is one of the biggest problems, really--he flat-out refuses to go to any kind of counseling or therapy, with or without me. My hands are tied--there is literally nothing else I can do.

I don't want to go into everything--I've hashed it all out with a few people already and frankly it isn't everyone's business--but the thing that really tipped the scales (and started us bickering at all) is that Cody's now decided he wants kids, which I made plain before we were ever even dating wasn't going to happen. And as much as this sucks, and as bad as I hate it, I still feel like motherhood (even adoption, even foster parenting with a limited age range) would be ten times more hellish than what I'm going through now. I haven't changed my mind in the last ten+ years, I don't think I'll be changing it in the future.

I'm not 100% sure what the future holds. I know for sure that if there's any way at all to make it happen, I want to move away--I've wanted out of this town for as long as I can remember. In the words of Beauty and the Beast, "There must be more than this provincial life." And without Cody I really have no reason to stay--in fact, I would've moved in November of 2008, when I was unemployed, but for the fact that I didn't want to make our long-distance relationship even longer-distance. I'll obviously need to get a new job lined up before I can pack up and go, though. I have two locations in mind but I have people I need to talk to first just to even see if it would be plausible.

I'll answer questions, if anyone has them, if they're not too nosy. If I decide your question IS too nosy I won't be afraid to say so.

I'm heartbroken, but I'm coping. I really don't have any choice but to move forward--I don't hold out a lot of hope that anything's going to change.



Added on LJ: I'm sure it's no shock to anyone that my main coping device has been music, but even I'm mildly surprised that Kurt from Glee has been my go-to--favorite character or no, I wouldn't think the songs would parallel. But Rose's Turn and Defying Gravity have helped A LOT.
rena_librarian: (Default)
I just went on Facebook and deleted all links to my other sites. Facebook is pretty much where I play nice and have a profile so extended family/parents' friends/etc can contact me. Most of the people I'm friends with (that I interact with, anyway) there are not the kind to wrap their head around fandom and such--Facebook is where I censor myself for my audience. LiveJournal is not. I won't be linking to my website there, either.

To better illustrate the point: I'll post on Facebook that I'm looking forward to Glee, but I wouldn't dream of linking to my Klaine fanfic, because there are people that would be angry with me. Homophobic redneck cousins, for instance.

Ne'er the twain shall meet, as they say.

Still working on the site. I have a bit of a quandary--I kind of want to delete my FFN and FOSFF accounts, but I went to FFN yesterday to see what I had originally written for a summary on a story I was putting on the site, and clicked through and realized that I gotten a lot of really lovely reviews. I can't think of any not-stupid-looking way to import them, but I don't want to lose them. I suppose I could always just copy-and-paste them and save them for my own self (and I imagine this is what WILL happen), but...sigh.
rena_librarian: (Default)
I know everyone and their mother that had a MySpace has pretty much ditched it for Facebook, but did everyone abandon LJ as well? Are we journalling elsewhere, or are people just posting Facebook notes or what?

I moved all of my RSS feeds (non-journally content, basically--webcomics and pictures of cats and the like) to Google Reader, and then for a while I was feeling guilty for missing so much over here because I was hardly ever logging in.

But now if I don't check for several days it's no big deal. I think I was last here on Sunday and there haven't even been 20 new entries.

*resists urge to join a Glee community as I waste too much time anyway*
rena_librarian: (Default)
If you've been tagged or you are reading this, you have the honor of copying all these goofy questions, writing your own response, and tagging other victims. You have to tag me, too. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you - but not in a creepy stalker kind of way.

1. What time did you get up this morning? 10:50. I know because it was before the alarm went off. (Had to be at work at noon. =) )
2. How do you like your steak? Medium-well. Maybe medium if the place looks clean. =)
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Coraline 3D!
4. What is your favorite TV show? Lost.
5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? I can think of at least three feasible answers to this question, and that's not even narrowing it down to specific cities.
6. What did you have for breakfast? Malt-O-Meal knockoff Frosted Shredded Wheat.
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Italian, I think.
8. What foods do you dislike? ...this list could fill a book, honestly.
9. Favorite Place to Eat? When money is no object, El Chico's. When money is kind of an object, Chili's (Cody and I ate there the night we got engaged).
10. Favorite dressing? I don't really do salad. Or anything mayonnaise-y.
11.What kind of vehicle do you drive? 1990 Chrysler LeBaron convertible. =) That car is almost 20, people.
12. What are your favorite clothes? I have a couple of outfits I love, but I think my favorites are the ones that lend themselves to being worn with an awesome pair of shoes. I get more excited about coordinating an outfit (picking jewelry/makeup/shoes/etc to match) than I do about the clothes themselves, if that makes sense.
13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? Japan.
14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? Half full, generally. Unless I wasn't planning on sharing and half is now mysteriously missing...
15. Where would you want to retire? IDK. I have a feeling that Cody is going to insist on being close to our families, if they're all still more or less in one place.
16. Favorite time of day? Twilight, though it has nothing to do with the books.
17. Where were you born? Mountain Home. BRMC to be precise.
18. What is your favorite sport to watch? I *might* tune in for skating during the Winter Olympics. Maybe. That's about it.
19. Who do you think will not tag you back? IDK and IDC. =)
20. Person you expect to tag you back first? See above.
21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? Eh.
22. Bird watcher? Sometimes, with my client. They have a hummingbird feeder right outside the kitchen window.
23. Are you a morning person or a night person? Oh, definitely a night owl.
24. Do you have any pets? I have a fish. Speaking of which, I need to feed him.
25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? Not really. The most exciting thing going on right now is that (if all the trades go through on bookmooch) I'm less than 10 books away from having the whole set of Animorphs books. Wedding planning is surprisingly meh at the moment. (Need to get the DRESS going!!)
26. What did you want to be when you were little? So many answers. The most awesome one was President.
27. What is your best childhood memory? Mom built me an awesome tent when I was five or so. I think we left it up until we moved from that house, that's how awesome it was.
28. Are you a cat or dog person? Cat! Dogs terrify me.
29. Are you married? Legally, but we haven't had the wedding yet. =)
30. Always wear your seat belt? Yeah. The only exception to this would be driving from my apartment to the dumpster/mailbox area at the front of the apartment complex.
31. Been in a car accident? One time when it was raining super hard, I knocked off my side mirror by smacking against a woman stopped in the turning lane. We never were sure if she wasn't over far enough or if I swerved into her lane.
32. Any pet peeves? Stupidity. Poor grammar in particular.
33. Favorite Pizza Toppings? Pepperoni.
34. Favorite Flower? Jonquils (my birthflower), if I have to pick. Anything clean and simple. But flowers are something I appreciate more in pictures than in person.
35. Favorite ice cream? I go through phases, but I do love me some chocolate chip cookie dough. =)
36. Favorite fast food restaurant? Hm. Probably Wendy's, honestly. Sonic if we have the money to get non-soda drinks.
37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? Twice, actually. Took it in Yellville instead of Mountain Home the third time. =)
38. From whom did you get your last email? Offbeat Bride Tribe.
39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? It's already maxed out! Thanks, unemployment! =P
40. Do anything spontaneous lately? Huh. Not really. Not anything huge anyway.
41. Like your job? If I had more hours--!!
42. Broccoli? If I have to. It's better when cooked with carrots.
43. What was your favorite vacation? Nova Scotia!
44. Last person you went out to dinner with? Cody, of course. Lol.
45. What are you listening to right now? www.memory by Alan Jackson.
46. What is your favorite color? Purple!!
47. How many tattoos do you have? None. YET. It's kind of like when I wanted to get a second piercing in my ears...I felt kind of deviant for wanting it until I realized just how many people have them.
48. How many are you tagging for this quiz? None. =D
49. What time did you finish this quiz? It's 8:08.
50. Coffee Drinker? Yeah, sometimes I like a little coffee in my sugar and cream. =) 10x better with ice!
rena_librarian: (Default)
Cody's moving in.

He was spending so much time here that it got to the point where it seemed a little bit ridiculous to be paying two rents, two sets of groceries, etc.

We're going to the courthouse and getting married on paper solely to keep my parents from throwing a hissyfit/killing either of us/withdraw funding from the wedding, WHICH WE ARE TOTALLY STILL HAVING, same plans as before. As far as Cody and I are concerned, we're not really going to be married until then. We're not going to celebrate the courthouse anniversary in any way.

I'm not pregnant--I couldn't be pregnant, lol, we're still waiting. (If that was what was going on, we'd be canceling/postponing the wedding...I've seen too many marriages go sour after being jump-started by a baby.) It's just financially logical. And it will allow us to get a good bit of paperwork out of the way--we can set up our joint checking account (which, yeah, we could have done anyway but he didn't want to until we were living together), get my name legally changed, and apparently pay considerably less for car insurance for both of us than either one of us pays alone (at least, so said Progressive.com last night). I can travel under my married name on our honeymoon (which we will be taking after The Wedding).

We're already moving his stuff over, hopefully we'll be actually tying the knot tomorrow. We were going to do it Friday (having decided this Wednesday night), but all the offices were closed because of it being the 4th weekend. >_< If we can't do it tomorrow it'll be either Wednesday morning or Thursday. (Trying to work around work, lol.) Wednesday's Cody's birthday, lol.

It boils down to this...we didn't have any extra money left over as it was, but this way we're going to have the same money coming in, minus a lot of bills--so we can redirect that to the wedding. Just his rent payment for the next 3 months will pay for our flights and hotels on the honeymoon.

Work is kind of crazy. I'm now working a 24-hour shift, from 8 am Tuesday to 8 am Wednesday, in addition to the 10 hours I had with my other client. (9-noon Monday, noon-4 Wednesday, and 9-noon Friday, which should show you why we're having trouble finding time to actually GET married, lol.) There's also this training stuff at work, which we're doing Mondays from 2-5ish, but hopefully tomorrow will be the third and last one of those.

I'm kinda sorta trying to find a new job. The new hours make it not quite so necessary, but I still really want to be behind a desk. I was looking into a part-time job when I only had 10 hours, but now there's no way I could take on a second job--I'd have to quit the current one.

The 24-hour isn't so bad, there's a bedroom for us CareGivers and we can sleep, if the client's sleeping. And as of the day I was there, she's now on a med that makes her sleep through the night. It just sucks being isolated from the outside world that long--you'll probably notice I update my Facebook status a lot there, lol.

Anyway. I should be asleep. Or maybe I should stay up...Nah. Sleep. TTYL!
rena_librarian: (Default)
I thought it had been a few days since I checked LJ. It's been over a week. I fail.

So yeah, new job. I think I posted that I got a job? Yes, yes I did. I'm working 8 PM to 8 AM, two days on, one day off (more or less, with the exception of some weekends that were scheduled before I was hired). Indefinitely--until the client passes away. She's terminal, and the family just wants someone at her bedside 24/7. I got to pick my shifts.

So yeah, it's a bit boring. The client (I have to keep everything confidential, of course) sleeps most of my shift, I maybe spend 20 minutes of the 12 hours actually interacting with her. In four shifts I've finished something like eight or nine books. (Bear in mind that a few of them were started already, but still.) I did some sewing that I've put off for around a year. I got permission to take my laptop for the purpose of writing (I asked, since the training materials said not to use a client's internet connection but didn't specify), so Shelly: I'll be working on my chapter Monday. Maybe I'll work on other stuff when it's done. =D I love to read, but I just can't do it 12 hours straight, you know? =) And I think it's possible that my reading speed has slowed a bit, but it's hard to judge--I'm tackling more difficult stuff than the last time I clocked myself, but I also flick my eyes up every time I hear the slightest noise.

Hourly, I'm being paid less than minimum wage since the overnight shift is paid a flat rate, but since I sit on my butt for most of it, I don't really care. With all the hours I'm working (48-60 a week, depending on when the days off land) it works out monetarily. Also, I now have a legitimate reason to be up all night. =D Nope, can't sleep on shift. Possibly with other clients that are still in their homes, but not this one. (This client is my sole assignment until the inevitable happens, unless I decided to pick up a shift somewhere along the road.)

So. Work is okay. Expect the occasional late-night work-related Facebook status update via text message. Oh yes, that reminds me--I can't take phone calls when I'm working, I have to keep my phone on vibrate or silent, but I'm free to text when the client is asleep. Or at any rate no one's going to know I'm texting to bitch about it, lol. So if anyone else is a bored insomniac who likes to text...it may take me a while to check my phone but any break in monotony is good. If you catch me on a night off I'll just text back as much. "Off tonight, sleeping, ttyl." =)

In other news, I LOVE BOOKMOOCH. Better yet, here's my profile. Friend me if you join! =) Or, you know, are already on there. It's an awesome thing if you love to read but don't feel the need to hang on to the books afterward, or if you have otherwise accumulated a pile of books you no longer want sitting around. (Textbooks, too!)

And, a dilemma. I'm going to keep this as brief and simple as possible.

Woot, family drama, sorta... )

ABC

Jan. 26th, 2009 01:36 am
rena_librarian: (Default)
I think I'm a few days behind here, I meant to computer Friday morning while Cody was in class but we got all the way there only to find out that his class was, in fact, canceled. *headdesk*

I'm not going to check everything right now, but I'm going to post this quiz that's been making the rounds over on Facebook, and check everything in the morning.

Taken from [livejournal.com profile] kiashyel, and like I said, it was going around Facebook. =)


A
- Available: Not anymore!
- Age: 22. 23 soon enough.
- Annoyance: Stupidity.
- Animal: Horses.
- Actor: Elijah Wood!

B
- Beer: I'm happy to notice that all my chick friends seem to agree--EW.
- Birthday/Birthplace: March 14, 1986, right here in Mountain Home.
- Best Friends: Gah. It's a list these days.
- Body Part on opposite sex: Eheh...I tend to notice hair first, but I love me a nice pair of arms.
- Best feeling in the world: Being goofy with Cody.
- Blind or Deaf: I think I'd rather just be dead than either of those.
- Best weather: Overcast, not raining. Windy is nice if you've got a jacket. Snow is awesome, too.
- Been in Love: Currently!
- Been on stage?: Yeah.
- Believe in yourself?: Most days.
- Believe in life on other planets: “I guess I'd say if it is just us... seems like an awful waste of space.” <= Kia's answer. I don't know what she's quoting but DAMN that says it so perfectly.
- Believe in miracles: Yes.
- Believe in Magic: Indeed.
- Believe in God: Of course.
- Believe in Satan: Unfortunately.
- Believe in Santa: No, that was quashed early on by uberChristian parents.
- Believe in Ghosts/spirits: Yeah. I haven't seen any but I'm hard pressed to think of a friend that doesn't have a paranormal story of some sort to tell when asked if they've ever seen a ghost.
- Believe in Evolution: Not what they teach in schools. I think an animal can change and adapt to its surroundings (like a squirrel can start growing thicker fur if it's living in a colder climate)--but it's never going to become a different species (a squirrel is never going to turn into a dog).

C
- Car: Silver 1990 Chrysler LeBaron convertible
- Candy: Chocolate in just about any form, but with peanut butter being the best.
- Color: Purple
- Cried in school: The day I threw up at school.
- Chocolate/Vanilla: ...see candy answer.
- Chinese/Mexican: Mexican.
- Cake or pie: Generally pie, unless Kristy's making it.
- Country to visit: I want to visit most of Eastern Europe.

D
- Day or Night: Night. I'm not a big fan of that yellow glowing thingy--what is it called? Oh yeah, the SUN.
- Dream vehicle: Hm. IDK. Used to want a Mustang but around here they have such a reputation I'm not so sure anymore. I think I'd go for like, a Prius or some such.
- Danced: Oh yeah.
- Dance in the rain?: Not yet.
- Do the splits?: Never successfully that I recall.

E
- Eggs: No thanks.
- Eyes: Aquamarine.
- Everyone has: a secret.

F
- First crush: Honestly? Really and truly? Luigi. As in Super Mario Brothers. =)
- Full name: Sarah E. Strobel. Mixing it up a bit in November.
- First thoughts waking up: Depends on if I wake naturally or it's an alarm. With the former I wonder what time it is, and with the second it's usually "KILL IT WITH FIRE!"
- Food: Hm. Pizza or Mexican.

G
- Greatest Fear: ...something happening to Cody.
- Giver or taker: A bit of both, probably more the latter if I'm being honest.
- Goals: Get a decent job. Everything else is on hold until after the wedding.
- Gum: Eh, not really. Bubblegum maybe if it's not a hard gumball.
- Get along with your parents?: Not really, but better now that I don't see them every day.

H
- Hair color: Red. At some point I'd like to have purple for a month or two, but it'll be when I either have a job where I can do it or don't have to work, and definitely for sure after the wedding!! All hair experimentation is on hold until after then!
- Height: 5'9", I think.
- Happy: Delightfully so.
- Holiday: My birthday, of course. =P Lol. Seriously? Christmas.
- How do you want to die: Incredibly old. Like well into the triple digits at least. (I think medical science will advance to this point over the course of our lives!)
- Health freak?: *snerk*
- Hate: would be more fun if I didn't feel guilty for it.

I
- Ice cream: It varies. Here lately, plain vanilla with toppings. =)
- Instrument: Cody and I have talked about this recently and I've come to think that there's really nothing that can evoke the range of emotion that a piano can.

J
- Jewelry: Matches my outfits. I had three rings I wore steadily but since Cody proposed I actually change up my right-hand rings every couple of weeks. I let my engagement ring stand alone on my left hand, of course. =)
- Job: LOOKING. As a matter of fact I'm printing off two résumés as I type.

K
- Kids: I can tolerate those of people I love, but it's rare for me to encounter one in public without walking away muttering "I hate kids." Consequently, we're not having any.
- Kickboxing or karate: Karate! And several other dangerous-sounding Japanese words!
- Keep a journal?: LJ, and a dream journal (which is totally half-ass, honestly).

L
- Love: is worth the wait.
- Letter: L, lol.
- Laughed so hard you cried: Oh God, all the time. Cody didn't win me over on looks alone. ^_-
- Love at first sight: I think it's pretty rare, not nearly as common as lust at first sight. All the same I knew from the first time I saw Cody's picture that there was something different about him, though I didn't know I was going to end up marrying him.

M
- Milk flavour: I tend to crave/want plain milk more often than anything.
- Movie: Lord of the Rings, of course.
- Mooned anyone?: Cody wishes. =P
- Marriage: 11-10-09!!!
- Motion sickness?: Rarely, usually if I get up too early and have to drive, or eat too early and drive.
- McD’s or BK: BK, if the budget is there.

N
- Number of Siblings: Um. Five if you count steps and the dead one.
- Number of Piercings: Two per ear. The cartilage one got torn and then grew out. =(

O
- Overused Phrases: I tend to be the user rather than the one irritated by them...I'm getting rather tired of "inaugural" and "inauguration," however.
- One wish: For November to hurry up and get here and then the rest of forever to go very slowly. =)

P
- Place you’d like to live: Some big city further north.
- Perfect Pizza: Pepperoni from Breadeax Pizza, with stuffed crust. (As far as I know they don't sell it, lol.)
- Pepsi/Coke: Pepsi. (Which, in the font on the new boxes, looked at upside-down, looks like it says "isded".)

Q
- Questionnaires: If my friends post them, I pretty much can't resist.

R
- Reason to cry: What Kristy threatens to give Wolf if he tears up over nothing.
- Reality T.V.: Only if it's actually realistic, not uprooting people from their environment for something fake. The latter is really just a glorified gameshow.
- Radio Station: Radio? Oh, you mean that thing I listen to when my mp3 player's batteries die? I have like six stations programmed in, and my goal is to avoid commercials and static. =)
- Roll your tongue in a circle: Can't.

S
- Song: Once Upon a Broken Heart by the Beu Sisters came up on shuffle tonight in the car with Cody and I nearly cried.
- Shoe size: 10 or 11 depending on the brand and style.
- Salad Dressing: ...salad? =S
- Slept outside: Nope. In a tent once when I was five or so, and once I spent the entire night outside, but I didn't sleep a wink until after it got light, at which point I went inside and slept on the couch.
- Seen a dead body?: At a funeral. I really regret looking. I hate the memory of her looking like that.
- Smoked?: GOD no.
- Skinny dipped?: No, and don't really plan on it. A bathtub is the largest body of water I really care to immerse myself in.
- Shower daily?: If I'm not going anywhere at all, I'll stay in the same damn pajamas and not bother. But most days yes.
- Sing well?: Not really.
- In the shower?: Not often. I tend to talk to myself though.
- Swear?: Depends entirely on the fucking audience. =P
- Stuffed Animals?: All but two are in a box, and one of those is a handmade Frodo doll.
- Single/Group dates: I prefer the single date--it's hard to get to know someone when you can't focus on them.
- Strawberries/Blueberries: Meh. I like blueberry muffins and donuts but that's about it.
- Scientists need to invent: If we can put a man on the moon, why can't we have envelope glue that tastes good?

T
- Time for bed: HA!
- Thunderstorms: So long as the power stays on.
- TV: LOST!!!!!!
- Touch your tongue to your nose: I could when I was little, but now I won't try because I'd get grossed out if I pulled it off.

U
- Unpredictable: Moi.

V
- Vegetable you hate: ...most of them.
- Vacation spot: The last time I truly went on a vacation, my age was in the single digits. That being said I'd LOVE to go on an Alaskan cruise or jet around Europe.

W
- Weakness: It is really freaking hard to tell Cody no.
- When you grow up: ...hell will freeze over?
- Which one of your friends acts the most like you? Hm. I think most of my friends have similar thought patterns (this probably has to do with me having an intelligence requirement), but overall I think it'd be Shelly.
- Who makes you laugh the most: Cody.
- Worst feeling: Helplessness.
- Wanted to be a model?: Only for the money.
- Where do we go when we die: Well, that depends on how we behaved on Earth.
- Worst weather: Hot sun.

X
-X-Rays: None. Ever.

Y
-Year it is now: 2009
-Yellow: Is incredibly unflattering on me.

Z
- Zoo animal: Zebras!
- Zodiac sign: Pisces.

LAST PERSON WHO…
1. Slept in a bed beside you? Cody. (Fully clothed the whole time, thanks.)
2. Last person to see you cry? Cody.
3. Went to the movies with you? Abi. And that was months ago.
4. You went to the mall with? Cody.
5. You went to dinner with? Cody.
6. You talked to on the phone? Nico.
7. Made you laugh? Cody.
8. Had a face contest with: Yeah, no one answered because no one knew what it meant. Me either.

*sigh*

Aug. 6th, 2008 06:16 am
rena_librarian: (Default)
I guess it was just a matter of time, but I caved and signed up for the dreaded Facebook.

Darn PIECES OF FLAIR! They won me over! Nico has already sent me awesome flair and it's just a matter of time before I'm a flair-making fiend, I know.

Anyone reading this is welcome to search and add me--if you search my name there's only 2 pages of results, and you should know me from my pic, Lord knows I post pics of myself often enough. I went through my phone and I'm about to go though my LJ flist looking for people I know.

ETA: Yeah, some of you, I don't know your last names. Lol.

ETA2: Taethowen--I found you, but couldn't add you. I fail.

February 2012

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