school daze

[rena_librarian]

So I passed the Smellville-Scummit Yellville-Summit school today, and the lot was full of cars. Damn, children are present again, I shall have to watch my speed a bit more closely through there.

And then I got here to ASU and the parking lots were full--not just "Monday morning block class" full, but actually "OMG-where-the-heck-am-I-supposed-to-park?" full.

Yes, that's right, it's back-to-school time for a lot of people. (Which reminds me, I need to see if I can get Wigz to grab me a parking permit. Mwahaha.) It'll be interesting to see who works when now at Taco Bell, who's moving to days and who has to work nights and then go home and do homework. (That really sucks, I assure you!)

But I'm not among the crowds this year. I graduated, baby, and I think after fifteen straight years of schooling I deserve the time that I'm taking off--whether it be one year, or two, or ten.

I'm not going out to "find myself," I already know who I am--I just want time to enjoy being me. Get some other goals (okay, two) accomplished, make some art (Online? On canvas? On paper? Who knows?), and be relatively broke and bohemian and truly happy for a while.

Because, quite honestly, I can't say I've been really honestly completely happy at home for about seven years now. (I've had good times, but that's not the same thing.)

So I am saving money and getting things together (actually cutting back at the Steak House, three lunch shifts a week, since Taco Bell is almost certainly going to give me a dollar raise within a few weeks), and Nico and I are moving into an apartment, where I will have room to set up an easel and paint for the first time in roughly a year-and-half. And have a five-minute drive to work. And get in at dawn and not get yelled at.

And my parents are probably never going to forigve me, but I've moved beyond needing their approval. If they want me to remain unhappy then clearly my best interests are no longer their focus. I'm not the child that can be bribed into silence anymore. Damn it all, Harry Potter is good literature and I shouldn't have to be ashamed to say that!

So I'm making this move (pun not intended), and let the chips fall where they may. I dare say that six months after I move, when Mom realizes that I'm happier, healthier (between all the walks we'll take and the possibility of actually biking to work in good weather and having to live off what I can cook for myself, lol, I'm bound to lose even more weight), more involved in a church (I'll actually be able to get enough sleep to GO more often), she'll still say I'm wrong, but screw that. She can't see the forest for the trees.

I realized something the other day--I used to hear people talking about a person "using religion as a crutch." And I thought that that was all wrong--religion, by its definition, is there to help people find solace and cope with hard times. Nonbelievers may not get this (and that's fine), but sometimes it really does make you feel better if you pray, and a church family will help you through hard times like no one else can.

But what my mother is doing--insisting that I must be possessed by a demon to avoid admitting the truth to herself--THAT is using religion as a crutch.

And I have absolutely no respect for that. I can't.

And to keep you all from being totally depressed, a video clip of a Johnny Depp/Jack Sparrow impersonator, discovered by Dutch Angua of DLBE:
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Comments

[darkest-crocus.livejournal.com]

I'll send you an e-mai later this evening in refference to this post: among other things. ^_^ <3

[rena-librarian.livejournal.com]

Mmmkay?

[eol-mithrandir.livejournal.com]

Yeah, school is so much added pressure combined with the already constant stress of working and not running out of rent money. I hope you have an easier time when you move out, and btw, what church is it that you said you were going to attend when you move? Good luck with the weight loss, I think I could lose some with all the running (not literal, yet) around the campus and work, however, my stress level is higher than it has ever been, and the stress is killing me. Taco Bell won't loosen the noose, and ASU-J is harder to adjust to than ASUMH. The bureaucracy there is ridiculous and I think the organization of it was done by a three-year old, plus if I want to get good parking I have to pay for it, which at this point I can't afford much of anything.

[dutchangua.livejournal.com]

Wow Rena, never knew you had these kind of problems with your parents. And I agree with you a 100%, being a religious person myself. Good vibes to you, Nico sounds like a great guy to have as a room mate!
And thanks for posting the Jack Sparrow video!

Love from Dutchie (who now has an account, but isn't going to post soon, I'm afraid)

[rena-librarian.livejournal.com]

Ah, but you can now follow along and comment at least. ^_^

(Well, you COULD have posted anonymously, but this makes it easier, lol.)

Thanks! *hugs*

[rena-librarian.livejournal.com]

Wow, are you doing okay?

Is the bureaucracy worse than ASUMH? I didn't think that was possible!

I'm calling you. Period.