FML

Phone STILL not here, hopefully tomorrow since it was in Memphis today.

Saw Cody--he brought over his half of the car insurance payment.

He emailed to ask if I was home (since, no phone), I said yes but Dana was coming over, he emailed back and said he was coming over and I had no chance to protest. I didn't let him in when he got here. Conversation:

C: Are you doing okay? Do you need anything?
S: Fine, and no.
C: Do you need anything?
S: NO.
C: Well, okay then...guess I'll see you later.
S: Next month, probably.
C (sarcastically, as far as I could tell): Well, did you want to do something before then?
S: No.
C: Then I guess so. Are you sure you don't need anything?
S: I'm fine.
C: Would you call me if you did need anything?
S: Probably not.
C: Well, fine. See you later. -exit stage left-

I was having to choke back tears through all this, which only partially accounts for my short, terse answers. After he left I realized he'd given me two twenties, not a twenty and a five like he was supposed to, and I got really pissed and threw the money across the room and broke down crying. Came very close to chasing out after him and screaming at him, but decided it wouldn't really accomplish anything.

I hate that he is trying to give me more than he agreed to. It honestly makes me feel like a whore, like I was never anything but his kept woman.

Also after he left I realized that I had another bag of his stuff that I've found while organizing around the house and had planned to give back to him, which, had he not been a dick and just assumed it was okay to come over, I probably would've remembered. So I'll probably be seeing him again, but I want to wait until I have my damn phone.

And it's so frustrating because yesterday I was fine. I had his FB profile open (because I was going to message him about not having the phone yet yada yada can't call to check if I'm home) and looking at his picture was like looking at a stranger. Not that he's changed (he doesn't look like he's lost any more weight in the last month, though he probably has) or anything, but just...the reaction was just dead inside. I didn't care. Same with textual communication, or seeing his comments on FB or whatever (not on my stuff, but on mutual friends). But seeing him was different.

I told Dana that if he isn't coming back, fully, then it's easier not to see him. She said to tell him to mail it. Contemplating it.

Writer's Block: Tobacco road

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Why do we have to limit it to my city? Can't we make that global? Better yet, illegalize tobacco altogether?

lol

You Are Wild

You're very restless and bored easily. You get antsy easily... you need to wander. Everything is up in the air for you. You just go where the wind takes you. If you're facing a problem, getting away for a couple days always helps you clear your mind. You are both optimistic and philosophical about life. You often need space to think things through.

The New Hair Color Test

Blogthings: Take a Quiz. Annoy Your Friends.

I really want to dye my hair again. I think I've only done it once since the wedding (and once right before) so I'm pretty much at my natural color on top. And black underneath, still. Not sure if I want to go dark red and try to cover the black, or bright red and redo the black. Probably the former since I'll be job-hunting.