I am so fucking tired of this!

I woke up this morning afternoon and just looked around and decided today would be a schleppy day; I don't feel like doing anything. My laundry is piling up and I should go do it (I'm already too late for last load at the place where I have my gift certificate from the auction, though, so that's out), I have shit I could be doing and I just don't care.

How odd that I should decide that before finding out.

~*~
Two-Volume Novel
by Dorothy Parker

The sun's gone dim, and
The moon's turned black;
For I loved him, and
He didn't love back.
~*~

I think we've hit the final chapter; I'm more than willing to call it such. I'm tired of this. I'm amazed by how hurt I feel. Just when I think I've finally dealt with what little feelings I had left here, I find out something else and all my issues spring up anew. Oh, there they are--the tears that have been eluding me the last few hours. Hello, sore throat.

...damn you, contacts.

...at least it still happens for some people.

Thank you, Zach Braff--I think I've officially moved from fan to fangirl. Or at least I will if I ever turn back into an optimist.

that which is meaningless

( Memes and stuff. )

Music is my coping device (and Elijah doesn't hurt matters one bit)

 I hear you just got married
Took a month long honeymoon
And you were all smiles at the wedding
You cried when you kissed the groom

I got no invitation
I guess the mailman didn't bring it to me
But I see the whole thing in slow motion
Every night as I try to sleep

My buddy John said you looked real pretty
And you acted like you were in love
He said the preacher asked for objections
And he thought about standing up

I told John he must've been crazy
'Cause you were just about to say 'I do'
He just gave me a wink and said all he could think
Is it could've been me with you

It could have been me standing there with you
It could have been me and my dreams coming true
But those dreams move on if you wait too long
It took me till now to see it could have been me

I don't guess I ever told you
That I went out and bought you a ring
I even carried it around in my pocket
Waiting to say the right thing

I pulled it out the other day
But the diamond had lost its shine
Well, I know how it feels 'cause my eyes grow dim
When I think you could have been mine

It could have been me standing there with you
It could have been me and my dreams coming true
But those dreams move on if you wait too long
It took me till now to see it could have been me

Oh, I called her just in time to be too late
You know those dreams move on if you wait too long
It took me till now to see (it could've been me)

It could have been me standing there with you
It could have been me and my dreams coming true
But those dreams move on if you wait too long
It took me till now to see it could have been me

It could have been me...
--It Could Have Been Me, Billy Ray Cyrus

Yeah. Yeah. Exactly what's running through my head, save for a gender-reversal.

Or, better yet...and maybe slightly closer to home...


Today was the worst day, I went through hell
I wish I could remove it from my mind
Two months away from you but I couldn't tell
I thought that everything was gonna be just fine

The postcard that you wrote with the stupid little note
Something wasn't quite right about it
It smelt like cheap perfume
And it didn't smell like you
There is no way you can get around it
Because you wrote

"I wish you were her"
You left out the 'E'
You left without me
And now you're somewhere out there
With a bitch, slut, psycho babe
I hate you, why are guys so lame?
Everything I gave you, I want everything back but you

My friends tried to tell me all along
That you weren't the right one for me
My friends tried to tell me to be strong
I bet you didn't think that I would see

The postcard that you wrote
With the stupid little note
Something wasn't quite right about it
I wanna see you cry
Like I did a thousand times
Now you're losing me, you're losing me now
Because you wrote

I wish you were her
You left out the 'E'
You left without me
And now you're somewhere out there
With a bitch, slut, psycho babe
I hate you, why are guys so lame?
Everything I gave you, I want everything back but you
---Everything Back But You, Avril Lavigne

Ahh, Avril. You write 'em so well.

So yeah. If you haven't put it together yet, Duncan got married. I guess. I mean, that is what I would assume from his MSN byline reading "I love being married!!!" Three exclamation points and a retarded MSN smiley face.

Every time I think about getting back in touch with him (this time it was gonna be "gimme my books back, jerk!" hence the appropriateness of Avril) I manage to find out something like this. Well, screw him. To quote another song, "There's a fine, fine line between love and  a waste of time." Ahh, Avenue Q.

On the bright side, I checked outside to see if my Marvelous Mail package was sitting by the door--and it wasn't, but there was a mailing tube propped up in the corner. I didn't THINK it was my MM package (though it's an idea for the next one I send! or maybe the next round's theme!), since it seemed a bit small. It occurred to me what it might be as I pried it open (which was harder than it should have been, lol), and I was right--it was, of all things, an Elijah Wood poster. frolijah_fan_54 offered to send them out weeks ago (she went to a screening of Day Zero, met the director, and had gotten a copy of the poster), and I'd quite forgotten that I said I wanted one. It just made me laugh and think that (yet another song!) "Somebody's Out There Watching." ^_^ It absolutely could not have come on a better day. It's currently lying on the floor behind me, flattening under a couple of encyclopedias, and hopefully I can hang it up tonight before I go to sleep. ^_^

Nothing beats Elijah comfort. If this funk continues I'll probably watch Deep Impact tomorrow.