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Where you go to print off a sheet of address labels, and almost stick in a second and third page of blank ones, say to yourself "Why not?" and then pause, and awkwardly answer yourself "Because you're probably going to be moving soon."

I'm applying for jobs in St. Louis. I can make twice as much working in a video store there as I do at a desk job here. (And honestly? I think it'd be less stressful. Debt collection sucks.)

I want to get the divorce settled first, but as soon as that's done I want out of here. I fucking hate living here, I have for so, so long. I should've moved away for college--I likely never would've met Cody--and I'm just not happy with my life.

(This isn't a cry for help, by the way. I know it will get better, and I have my coping devices in the meantime. I'm just whining.)

Also angst about turning 26 next month and finding myself single after thinking I was done with all that. The idea that I have to start all over, and that I wasted so much time on a man boy who obviously is not The One after all honestly makes me a little sick. Considering I want to take things slower next time around, I could be 30 before I get to be married again. 30. THIRTY. Ugh. I'm having a quarter-life crisis (thank you, John Mayer, for the metaphor).

I don't think everything will magically be better. But I think living in a place I actually want to be--accomplishing a huge, huge, huge bucket list item--will bring the happiness baseline up so high that it'll make everything else so much more bearable.
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My grandma sent me some money to help with the legal fees, and I'm writing her a thank-you note.

I'm using one of the thank-you note cards leftover from wedding presents.

It seemed appropriate.
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At the moment it happened? My first kiss.

In retrospect, given how things turned out? Hm. Probably my entire first trip to Canada. Life-changing. So many good moments.


Sep. 1st, 2011 01:29 pm
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Evidently, I am not as sneaky as I thought, and the whole office knows that Cody and I are not together.

On the bright side I took down the wedding pictures that have been on my desk this whole time. I am debating on how childish it might be to replace them with a picture of Darren. (Yeah, the eye candy would be nice, but that's probably not going to happen considering I already get teased a bit for my fannishness. Then again there's one girl there who has a frekaing JUSTIN BIEBER calendar so I don't know that anyone would have any room to say anything.)

Is it weird that I'm already mentally planning my NEXT wedding the same way I did the first one--you know, when it's lightyears before I've even met anyone?
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Dude! Remember a couple of weeks ago I answered the Writer's Block question about getting revenge on crappy bosses?

He commented on some silly thing I posted on Facebook, and it turned into a conversation about "the good old days" at Taco Bell and how it was kind of the high school experience for us since neither of us went to actual high school--and then he admitted that I never deserved all the crap he gave me and that it seems like it really is the smart, mature kids that get picked on.

Oh, here, this kind of thing is quick and easy to post now, let me just show you:

(I was the one that "liked" his last comment. The timestamps aren't accurate, I had to redo the second one because I missed a comment.)

I'm actually really touched. Like, I was tearing up over the fact that he was admitting this.


...and now I find out on Facebook that Cody's released another EP. -_-* I downloaded it--didn't listen, don't think I could take it, I have all his old stuff saved with all the pictures, but I took it all out of iTunes--but I read over his lyrics in the lyric box in iTunes, and the description on bandcamp. I think he has a crush on someone else. Sounds unrequited. HAH. But that still really stings.

Truthfully a lot of the lyrics on his last three EPs were hurtful, once I read them. Babies. Real Angels Sing. The last one, I listened to it, but after he left I read the lyrics and it all kind of struck me as "yeah, my wife sucks."


(And now--I composed this a while back, called my mom, fell asleep and just woke up so this is getting posted hours after the fact. Go me. Going back to sleep here in a moment.)
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Honestly, at this point I think I'd be the person wanting to hold off a little while. =/ But I certainly wouldn't wait forever if this was the case. I'm not interested in being in a relationship that isn't potentially going to lead to marriage sooner or later, but I think last time was definitely rushed.

(The whole no-sex-except-with-spouse thing. It's a motivator for sure.)

In other news, my niece posted: "If another person treats me like im stupid im going to punch them.. Seriously." on Facebook. I'm debating whether or not to comment "I'm*" just to annoy her. =)

Yeah. Doing it. XD
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So sometimes I still go look at Cody's Facebook. Mostly when I see a status or new picture that's...out of left field. Right now it was that he posted a picture 21 hours ago from Bourbon Street in New Orleans and I'm insanely curious as to what he's doing there--I would imagine he went with his folks? But maybe not?

Wait, yes, his mom posted more pics with all of them in them.

Long story short, I end up looking at his pics and such because--well, Facebook is a timesuck, and. GAH. IDK I'm just going to admit it's probably not healthy and move along.

BUT. Truthfully? He was more attractive (facially) with more weight on him. Like, he's doing good from the neck down, but his face. OMG. Not pretty anymore.

Or maybe that's just, like...the charm has worn off? When he used to be sweet to me I could see past the imperfections, and now I can't? Come to think of it, it wasn't like I had the hots for him immediately--I found him a lot more attractive after we got to know each other pretty well. But then again I look at older pictures, pictures of us when there was an us, and he looks cute to me in those.

I don't know.

I've finally figured out that the sweet boy I married and the person he is now are not the same, and while I can't pinpoint where the transformation took place (or began, if it wasn't all at once, though it felt like it was), the point is, it has. Even if he wanted me back, it wouldn't be like falling in love all over again, not a repeat of the first time--if anything worked out it would be like falling in love with someone completely new. The guy that wrote me love songs and kissed me gently and called me beautiful is no more. Oh, and have I mentioned he's taken up smoking? Idiot. Why did I throw my life away on him? I want my first kiss--first everything--back, thanks. >_<

Anyway, there's no point in wasting my time wishing that I didn't have to do this, because I do. I really hate the idea of being divorced, I do, but to take him back as he is would just...not work, and be wrong, and frankly I don't want to. He's coming across as kind of a douche now (and it isn't just the smoking). And I don't see him having the change of heart that would need to happen (before things could work) anytime soon. So I have got to get on the paperwork for making the separation legal. After 18 months of separation we can get a no-fault divorce. I'm not sure if that's 18 months from when he moved out or 18 months from filing the paperwork, but I'm pretty sure it's the latter because legalities aren't always logical.

On the bright side I now have an excuse to never look at my wedding pictures (where I'm so, so fat) ever again. XD Silver lining, anyone?

And I know it wouldn't be smart right now--we need to get the legalities sorted out for starters--but I really want to start dating again. Or more accurately, I want to be married again. Just not to him. (We won't even talk about the sexual frustration because that's another can of worms entirely.)

Afterthought: I should be getting my car Monday. A week and a half after the guy originally thought it would be ready. (I was supposed to have driven it to the concert.)
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I'm toying with the idea of rearranging my room. (By which I mean my office.)

I was watching makeup tutorials on YouTube, which always makes me want to MAKE makeup tutorials, and I was kind of thinking about how the last time I tried that, it was really annoying because my desk faces the window, therefore the entire room is in the background, and therefore I would have to clean my room every time I wanted to make one.

(My sanity requires that I have one room that I don't worry about keeping immaculate.)

The best vloggers all seem to have their back to a wall in their vids. Makes sense.

But then it's I really want to fuss with that when I intend to move ASAP? I just went through and re-stacked the clutter in here to take up less space and decided not to actually go through it and organize, pending moving. Maybe I need to focus not on rearranging stuff that's mostly working but, if I get in a cleaning/organizing sort of mood, on getting rid of smaller clutter--like the stack of stuff on my scanner that I intended to scan but have been too lazy to fuss with. That kind of thing.

I'm also considering giving all my scrapbooking stuff to Alicia, because I've gotten to a place where I'd rather put the pictures online and get comments than to go to all that trouble for the pics to sit up on a shelf in a book. She, on the other hand, has four kids that she's making scrapbooks for and still loves it. So there's that. I don't think I'm ever going to take it up again--even if I was independently wealthy and all my time was my own, there are just so many other things I'd rather spend my time and money on.

Yeah okay that's it, I'm spending the rest of my organizing. More or less. Until the Glee Project. I'm setting an alarm for myself so I don't forget this time!

Also. I was debating between Fayetteville and St. Louis, but now I've pretty much made my mind up. I kept thinking about Fayetteville, and the truth is even though it'd be a lot of fun, I don't think I'd ever consider it permanent, it would just be a stepping stone on my way to bigger and better things. St. Louis, on the other hand, could very easily be permanent. (I won't rule out the possibility of ending up in Chicago or New York or maybe even England, but that's kind of like a win-the-lottery dream that I don't think I'd ever actively pursue.)

I want to be in a (geographical) place I'm happy being. If I run into the issue again of falling in love with someone who refuses to EVER MOVE AWAY EVER then I need to be in a place where I'm okay with that.

The person I'm being in the wake of Cody having left me is so, so different than the person I thought I'd be if--or later, when--he did. I honestly figured I'd be a Bella Swan, kind of wake up one day and realize I hadn't done anything in like four months. But I've been more creative than I have in a long time, and self-confident (though that's also largely stemming from weight loss, not gonna lie), and truly I am--or at least am aspiring to be--more of a Pink than anything.

The attitude, moreso than the actual behavior, lol. Cody already told me anything I did to his car he'd do to mine in return. =P

sad news

Apr. 17th, 2011 03:25 am
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Copied and pasted from Facebook.

I've blocked the people from work that I'm friends with on Facebook from viewing this as I'm trying to keep this quiet at work; I've told the supervisors but I just don't want to deal with the questions or the pity looks from my coworkers. It's hard enough getting work done without that kind of interruption.

Cody left last Friday. This isn't as much of a shock as it probably seems. We've been arguing for a while and I just haven't said anything to anyone because I didn't think things would end up like this. I thought we'd get things resolved. I wanted--still want--to work things out between us, but things have gotten to a point where I can't do it alone. Even if he called me up and wanted to come back, I would insist on going to marriage counseling. This is one of the biggest problems, really--he flat-out refuses to go to any kind of counseling or therapy, with or without me. My hands are tied--there is literally nothing else I can do.

I don't want to go into everything--I've hashed it all out with a few people already and frankly it isn't everyone's business--but the thing that really tipped the scales (and started us bickering at all) is that Cody's now decided he wants kids, which I made plain before we were ever even dating wasn't going to happen. And as much as this sucks, and as bad as I hate it, I still feel like motherhood (even adoption, even foster parenting with a limited age range) would be ten times more hellish than what I'm going through now. I haven't changed my mind in the last ten+ years, I don't think I'll be changing it in the future.

I'm not 100% sure what the future holds. I know for sure that if there's any way at all to make it happen, I want to move away--I've wanted out of this town for as long as I can remember. In the words of Beauty and the Beast, "There must be more than this provincial life." And without Cody I really have no reason to stay--in fact, I would've moved in November of 2008, when I was unemployed, but for the fact that I didn't want to make our long-distance relationship even longer-distance. I'll obviously need to get a new job lined up before I can pack up and go, though. I have two locations in mind but I have people I need to talk to first just to even see if it would be plausible.

I'll answer questions, if anyone has them, if they're not too nosy. If I decide your question IS too nosy I won't be afraid to say so.

I'm heartbroken, but I'm coping. I really don't have any choice but to move forward--I don't hold out a lot of hope that anything's going to change.

Added on LJ: I'm sure it's no shock to anyone that my main coping device has been music, but even I'm mildly surprised that Kurt from Glee has been my go-to--favorite character or no, I wouldn't think the songs would parallel. But Rose's Turn and Defying Gravity have helped A LOT.

poor dear

Jul. 28th, 2009 03:47 am
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Cody said something the other day. It was offhand, but it hit me. I had complained a few days before that the bedding he'd brought from Nico's was stinky and would need to be washed--but he went ahead and used one of the throw blankets when he got cold.

A day or two ago, he told me that he was finally able to tell that it smelled. This, after about a month living here.

And I realized that he's been inhaling secondhand smoke every place he's lived since his mom took up the habit when he was four.

I felt so bad that he'd been living with Nico for the previous seven months.
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So Saturday was my birthday, and I'm 23 now, but that's beside the point, and at the same time the crux of everything. Lol.

Okay, so Kristy got some birthday money a couple of weeks ago (her bday's three days before mine but whatever), and since she had finally given up on her car ever being in good working order a week or two prior to that, she invested in a bike, and a bike trailer if she needs to haul a kid. Being the awesome friend that she is, she taught me to ride. It took me two days and I'm still not the best rider, but I got the basic hang of it. (I think I probably posted about this at some point...ah yeah, in this meme.)

Then I got really stoked--if I could get a bike of my own, I could ride it! I could go to Cody's or her place, or the post office, or Walgreens, or any number of places within a couple of miles (I can walk at least four miles and that's easily well beyond getting to any of these places, and a bike would make the trip faster and easier so I could theoretically go even farther if I had the need, right?). I could save gas AND lose weight before the wedding! So I decided that that's what I wanted for my birthday--a bike.

Long story short, my parents got it for me. (I had been thinking that I would take birthday money from them and my grandmother and go buy it myself, but they went ahead and surprised me. ^_^) We went out to birthday dinner on Thursday since they were going to be out of town on the weekend, and then we came back to my place "for cake" and they wheeled in the exact bike that I wanted! =D

Later, after they left, I texted Kristy and was all "ZOMG BIKE YAY!!!" and she texted back that we should go riding. Through some texts this shifted to I should come over for lunch, then when I said that I was a wee bit scared to ride across town alone my first time out, she agreed to go in to the office in the morning that day, meet me at the corner and we would bike to her place.

All went well. It took nearly an hour to get there (fifty minutes) and I had to stop and catch my breath a lot (HILLS ZOMGWTFBBQ), but other than more or less crashing into a utility pole (more like a bump, slow as I was going, didn't hurt anything) nothing out of the ordinary happened.

I set back home at around ten past five. I called Cody before I left so he'd know I was on my way (he was waiting for me at my house, having planned on having dinner with me). I was making much better time on the way back as I was walking my bike up the worse hills and catching my breath as I walked instead of trying to overtax myself--bear in mind, I was alone this time and was trying to be careful because there was no one to take care of me.

Well, I got roughly halfway back (I've checked this on google maps). I started wobbling a little (as I am still prone to doing, five weeks into the biking thing) and I was getting too close to the cars for comfort (there's sidewalk the whole way, which I took into account planning my route). So I swerved the opposite way. In retrospect, I overcorrected. >_<

I felt myself falling, and planted my foot on the ground to catch myself. Well, all my weight and that of the bike slammed into my knee, I felt it pop, and it hurt. BAD. I tumbled, but at least I tumbled into the grass and not the traffic. I tried to hop back up--nope, pain, not gonna happen. So I laid there for a second, then my next thought was to get the bike off my leg. I took my messenger bag off and then pushed the bike off--already my knee was like "NO! DON'T MOVE ME! AGGGGH!" While I'm sitting there, thinking I will let the pain subside, get up, and continue on my merry way, I hear someone asking if I'm okay. At first I thought it was a car that had slowed down or stopped, or had to stop for the light (this was right before an intersection), but as it turned out it was two Mormon guys. They had seen me crash and pulled into the driveway right before and gotten out to check on me.

They offer me a ride, or a cell phone, and I tell them no, I'm okay, I have my own cell phone in my bag, and I think if I just take a minute I'll be able to get up and go, or at least be okay to walk the bike if nothing else. One of them picks up the bike and sets it upright, on the kickstand. I also tell them that my fiancé can come get me. After another moment I get up, and the minute I put weight on that knee I KNOW I'm not riding the bike anywhere. I stand there, untangle my headphones, and they keep asking if I'm really okay and finally I convince them I am. Then they tell me they're Mormons like I couldn't read their nametags (even if they were without them, they kind of...stick out--they were either Mormon or JW, and I think the latter have a more relaxed uniform) and give me a brief schpiel and their card. Which was awkward, sort of, but they were both really nice. After I take their card and they're heading back to their car, a redheaded woman walks up and said she saw me crash and just had to turn around and make sure I was okay, and offered her cell phone. I tell her all the same things but thank her for stopping.

So I start wheeling the bike along. By the time I'm to the next intersection I'm grateful for the bike-as-crutch. And yes, I could have called Cody, but I was really worried that he would make me LEAVE the bike wherever he found me. (He says now he could have fit it in his car, but still.) He'd been after me about getting a helmet--it's not the law here in Arkansas and I didn't want to fool with it, and certainly didn't want to spend the money on one.

I knew I'd done something to my knee, at one point I tried walking on the non-kickstand side of the bike because my arms were getting tired and I only got about two steps. Also at one point with a steep slope down, I tried to coast downhill--I couldn't bend my knee far enough to pedal but I thought I'd save a little time and effort. I couldn't get the bike going, though, at least not without wobbling, and when I lightly tapped that foot on the ground it hurt VERY badly.

Anyway, I walk more or less a mile home (you can walk places where there are no roads according to Google Maps, after all) and get inside. Cody could tell I was upset.
"Are you okay? What's the matter, sweetie?"
"I have something to tell you, but you have to promise not to freak out."

And I tell him everything (showed him the card the Mormons gave me, lol), and I roll up my jeans to see, and of course the knee is swollen. I insist that ice and painkillers will be enough to fix things. I'm not BLEEDING so OBVIOUSLY whatever I did couldn't be too bad.

I kept ice on it, and I don't remember when, but I figured out that it hurt to bend it too far and I flat couldn't straighten it out all the way.

Monday night [ profile] thehobbitwaffle directed me to the Mayo Clinic's website and I deduced that what I probably actually did was tear or bruise my cartilage. Their recommendation? Ice, Tylenol, keep it elevated, don't walk too much, and it should take care of itself.

So I've been limping around ever since Friday afternoon. Kristy had her Annual Birthday Costume Party the next day and I sat better than 95% of the time. I've been trying to veg as much as possible and not walk too much, and not go up or down the stairs until I HAVE to, though yesterday I felt good enough to walk around Wal*Mart (leaning on the cart) with Mom, and today I finally drove. (It's difficult to get in and out of cars, though.) It's been hurting less every day. I can kneel ALMOST without pain, but I can't bend it any further. I'm hoping I'll be able to fully straighten it soon--the swelling simply won't allow it at this point, though the swelling doesn't look that bad to me.

Cody has been an absolute dear. The first two days when I could barely walk without something to lean on, he cooked for me and made trips up and down the stairs and to Wal*Mart as needed, even when it was for costume things. =) He is so good to me--better than I deserve, really.

And speaking of Kristy's costume party, Cody and I went as Lady Luck and a gambler. =) I got him into an all-green outfit--nice shirt and pants and a TIE (OMG, he was SEXY) and drew a mustache on him (the only thing he wanted...weirdo, lol), and I wore my red dress from Shelly's wedding with a string of playing cards tied around me, and we both had shamrock necklaces. (Yay St. Patrick's Day, on which I failed to consume any alcohol whatsoever. And I had rum in the fridge!!) Kristy has all the pics, I will post when I get them, lol. And don't worry, Shelly. I didn't actually alter the dress any, so I can still wear it to a formal function if I ever have one, lol. I got the idea googling "red dress costume" but so many of the ideas I saw required a short red dress or gluing things to it! >_< I was pleased with myself--Cody and I spent all of $4 on these costumes, $3 for the necklaces and $1 for a deck of cards, since I don't have any that aren't special, lol. With a larger budget and more time, I probably would have added a fake cigar and a fedora for Cody (mine didn't fit him), and I've seen boas made out of fake dollar bills for me. Also dice or dollar sign jewelry. I have a black shawl and meant to grab it but forgot (what with the whole having a hard time walking thing).

Next time I have a chance to wear a costume, though, I think I'm going to steer away from the "concept" costumes. Last year I was the Snow Queen and no one got it, and this year only one person claimed to get Lady Luck--and that was after someone else asked me. She was all "Oh yeah, I thought that's what you were, I was going to ask." (Then again, I didn't do much better with Josie from Josie and the Pussycats at Halloween, but I think that was just plain too obscure.) Cody and I have batted around the idea of going as Peter and Lois from Family Guy, though, lol. (This would be at some point in the future if/when Cody gets tired of his hair, I guess. I can't fathom fitting a short wig over that massive hair. Now that I think about it, he could wear the same green pants as the gambler. Lol.)

Okay, I think that's enough content to make up for my non-content entries for a while, other than this last tidbit...

Most of you probably remember me talking about Sam. I was going to link to all the entries tagged with his name but I think the breakup post does it the most justice; if you REALLY need the whole story you can click the tag. We were a couple for all of 91 hours around this time last year (two months before I met Cody). Anyway, while Kristy and Cody and I were sitting around waiting for more people to show up (Kristy was still working on her costume, lol), she said "blah blah blah Kristin blah blah blah Dena blah blah blah Sam said something about bringing a roommate..." And I was all "Sam's coming?"
"Oh." *turn to Cody* "That's the guy I was with like right before we met..."
"The one who didn't last a week?"
Well, he showed up and there was no drama, everyone was cordial all around, Cody included (because he is AMAZING. Period.). At one point pretty much everyone was playing Rockband in the living room, but Kristy was still sewing her costume and Cody and I were sitting at the kitchen table with her. Cody leaned over and pulled me close so he could whisper. "The one in the red shirt, right?"
"The Trekkie." (Sam was costumed as a redshirt from Star Trek. It was a pretty decent costume, IMHO.)
"Oh. Yeah. That's him."
... "HE dumped YOU?!"
I busted out laughing, I'm surprised no one asked me what was so funny. Later on back at my place, Cody was all, "Sweetie, you deserve way better than me but I'm like a thousand times better looking than that guy!" Glad he could see it. =) He's such a sweetheart, I'm reminded constantly...okay, I should stop there. I'm sure none of you want to hear me wax poetical about being the luckiest girl in the world and all that jazz.

I need to get some sleep--or, at this point, stay up all night. I think I'll go for the former. Top of the morning to you!
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I hate actually posting them on MySpace, because they get deleted after ten days. I like to dig through them now and again and see what my answers were four years ago. =D

Last December, what was your love life like? Pretty shitty. I had found out a month or so prior that the man I thought I would end up marrying (presumptuous on my part, I see in retrospect) had recently married someone else and I was pretty bummed about it, though coping better than I would have thought. Things picked up in January, though. (Not that that worked out, either, but still.)
Who or what can you blame for your mood today? Yesterday. My mood today has been "meh, I wish I was with Cody right now..."
Do you wash your hair in the shower? Of course, though I'm assuming this question means as opposed to the sink, lol.
Do you care what others think about you? friends have a wee bit of influence, but the general populace, no.
What is your fear? Losing Cody. Dogs. Catching my hair on fire. In that order.
Have you ever been kissed in a car? Yes. =D
How are you feeling right now? Ehh. Obviously bored enough that these sounded like a good idea.
What was your last argument about? With Nico, over my political apathy, I'm sure.
Last nap? Yesterday.
Have you ever liked anyone that treated you like crap? Yeah, but I never notice it WHILE I'm being treated like crap, I'll make excuses for the person for a long time. (So I'm glad I'm with someone who treats me like a princess!)
Where would you like to be right now? With Cody.
Ever been told you were loved by someone who didn't mean it? No.
Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette? That's the plan!!
What were you doing at 10:17 pm last night? I was in the middle of a very intense makeout session with Cody...
Besides this, what are you doing right now? Listening to music. I have a few tabs and stuff open but I'm not actively doing anything else.
Will you be up before 7 am tomorrow? No.
Did you kiss or make out with anyone in this last week? Yes to both, yesterday.
Do you get mad when your current bf/gf talks about an ex? Considering it's ALWAYS "Oh my God you're so much awesome-r than ex," I don't mind at all. =)
Are you afraid to grow up? I am grown up.
Was the person you last kissed physically attractive? Well, I sure as hell think so! (Honestly...I don't think I could kiss anyone that I didn't find at least somewhat attractive. Shallow but true. Additionally, I don't think I could ever kiss anyone but Cody. ^_^)
What was your worst subject in school? Math, hands down.
Want something you can't have? Not that I can think of, really. The things I want and don't have are things I WILL have in time.
What do you do when you're sad? Cody.
Do you hate the last person you kissed? Lol, I don't think I ever could!
Do you have a secret that you've never told ANYONE? Not of my own, lol, which is why I've yet to send in a PostSecret card. I do have secrets I keep from people until I know them really well, though.
Something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? I really hate going over the circumstances of my adoption, or the fact that I'm adopted at all.
Ever licke​d someone's cheek or forehead? ...yesterday.
Last time you fell asleep in someone's arms? Also yesterday. I head out to Cody's so early that at some point snuggling turns into an unintentional hour-long nap. Not that I mind horribly...
Is the last person you kissed older or younger? A little over four years younger.
Last place ​you took a plane to? Canada.
Have you ever been around someone who was high? Unfortunately.
What are your plans for the weekend? Friday night's the last night of the auction, no plans Saturday (YET), Cody's coming to see me Sunday.
Where did you sleep last night? In my bed. Alone. I very nearly said "fuck it" in favor of staying overnight with Cody, but I just felt bad not asking his parents (who were in bed asleep long before I left).
Ever kissed someone who smokes? No, thankfully. I wanted to at one point. (A particular person, I mean, not just kissing a smoker for the sake of it.)
How many children do you plan on having? NONE!
Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed? Closed, or at least only open a crack. The light from the computer at the other end of the hall would keep me awake, but I don't like for the office door to be closed when I get out of bed.
Own more than 10 pairs of flip-flops? Oh HELL no. They're only one step below Crocs on my hate list.
What is something you wish you had more of? Time with Cody.
What woke you up this morning? Nothing, lol. I didn't get out of bed until 2:30, and that was only because I could NOT sleep any more, lol.
What were you like a year ago? Lonely, upset over the answer to the first question, though better off financially, planning my trip to Canada.

Name a perso​n that you insta​ntly smile​ when you see they'​​re calli​ng?​ Cody, of course. But I smile for a lot of people.
Who'​​s the last perso​n to call you "​​baby"​​?​​ Cody, and he apologized. Lol.
Is your curre​nt relat​ionsh​ip statu​s simpl​e or compl​icate​d?​​ Pretty simple. I love him, he loves me.
Have you ever gone out with a footb​all or baseb​all playe​r or a cheer​leade​r?​​ No. Ew.
Who were you with at 12:​​00 last night​?​​ By then I was alone, unfortunately, making the drive home.
If you'​​re sleep​ing and someo​ne calls​ you what do you say? If I answer, "Hello" is pretty standard. Unless it's like ungodly late (an hour when I shouldn't be awake, not like if I'm sleeping in), then it's still hello, but with worry in my tone.
Feel like talki​ng to someo​ne that you haven​'​​t in a while​?​​ Yeeeeeah...Hobbity and I really haven't talked since Cody and I got together and she's like the last person I haven't updated.
Ready​ for winte​r to come?​​ YES YES YES YES. I'm thinking I'll be breaking out my winter coat by the end of the week!
Have you ever slept​ in a bed with the oppos​ite sex? Not overnight, but yeah, Cody and I have fallen asleep in both our beds.
Are you keepi​ng a big secre​t right​ now? Maaaaaaaaybe...don't ask.
Are you talle​r than 5'​​5"​​?​​ Yes.
How's your heart​ right​ now? Overflowing. In a very good way.
How tickl​ish are you? I have my spots.
Are you in a good mood?​​ Missing Cody, but other than that, yeah.
Are you a mean perso​n?​​ I have my moments.
How is your hair?​​ Fine, I think. Haven't looked at it since like 6ish.
Do you care if peopl​e hate you for no reaso​n?​​ I'd be more confused than anything, but no, not really.
Dark hair or light​ hair in the oppos​ite sex? Dark.
What are your plans​ for tomor​row?​​ Cody's going to text me so I get out of bed and chat with him while he's at work, then McD's with Nico before we go to auction "training." (I'll probably be teaching the freaking training. I'm awesome.)
What is one fact about​ the last perso​n who calle​d you? He's a Mac user. ^_^
Are you getti​ng engag​ed any time soon?​​ Wow. How often do you get to answer yes to that? Yes! Lol. I imagine it'll be official in about six months...
When and where​ did you kiss the last perso​n you kisse​d?​​ In my car, in his driveway, on the lips. Lol.
Have you ever met a gay perso​n?​​ ...BWAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. No, NEVER. XD *is official Straight Ally Outreach of Baxter County Pride*
Have you ever inten​tiona​lly made someo​ne jealo​us?​​ Hm. I think I've tried a few times but I don't know if it worked, lol.
Have you ever dated​ someo​ne older​ than yours​elf?​​ Yeah.
Was your last kiss drunk​ or sober​?​​ Sober. I've never kissed drunk. Actually I've never done anything all-out drunk. But still, something to think about...
Why did your last relat​ionsh​ip end? Really and truly, I've only been in one relationship.
Last time you were truly​ happy​?​​ Last night around 11. Then I had to come home.
Are you satis​fied with what you curre​ntly have in life?​​ No. I need a job. (But I'm happy with everything else.)
Have you ever skipp​ed class​?​​ Only because I was sick. And only twice.
Do peopl​e ever think​ you'​​re older​/​​young​er than you actua​lly are? Both.
Have sex on your mind?​​ ...more often than I'd care to admit.
Is there​ a meani​ng behin​d your myspa​ce song?​​ I just upgraded to the ten-song playlist player, so it's really more a showcase of my all-time favorites than it is particular songs--though yes, they're my favorites for a reason.
Do you own a pair of green​ pants​?​​ Well, they're more of a sage-y color, almost a neutral, but yeah.
Do you belie​ve that what goes aroun​d comes​ aroun​d?​​ Oh yes, which is what keeps me from wreaking revenge on my own behalf. (It worked the last two times!)
Have you ever felt like you hit rock botto​m?​​ Only financially. =(
Who do you miss? CODY!!
Ever felt that no one relat​es to you? Yeah.
Are you avail​able for a relat​ionsh​ip?​​ Nope!
What'​​s the last thing​ to make you laugh​?​​ Nico.
How many peopl​e are you texti​ng?​​ Currently no one. Even Nico's asleep.
Who was the last frien​d you were chill​in'​​ with?​​ Nico.
Do you have a frien​d you can tell stuff​ to and you'​​re sure they won'​​t tell?​ Yeah.
Do you have any plans​ for the weeke​nd?​​ Already answered this.
Does the futur​e scare​ you? No, I'm really looking forward to it as a matter of fact, especially the part that starts a year from now.
Was it a boy or a girl to call you last?​​ Guy, lol.
Is anyon​e overp​rotec​tive of you? Not really. I moved out to fix that problem.
Were you born in the same town you live in now? Yes, actually, though I haven't lived here my whole life.

Where​ was the FIRST​ TIME you ever saw the perso​n you like?​ On the dating site... (, it works! It's FREE!)
Do you belie​ve that every​ thing​ happe​ns for a reaso​n?​ Yes indeedy. Like if Sam hadn't dumped me, I wouldn't have signed up for PoF and Cody and I would still be sitting around lonely...or at least, I would. I got lucky.
Are you over your past?​ See previous answer. ^_-
Has anyon​e disap​point​ed you recen​tly?​ Yeah, the State of Arkansas passing Prop One. GRR.
What are you liste​ning to at the momen​t?​ Rhythm and Police by CJ Crew, from DDR.
Do you plan on movin​g with in the next year?​ No, though I suppose it's possible. If I move anywhere it'll be because Cody and I are getting married and we decide to live somewhere other than my place.
Are you a morni​ng perso​n or a night​?​ Night!
Are you a forgi​ving perso​n?​ Ehh...I suppose, though I need to work on the forgetting a bit, lol.
What'​s annoy​ing you right​ now? Not being with Cody, lol.
Does it take a lot to make you cry? Yeah.
Taken​ or singl​e?​ Very happily taken!
Do you like it? XD YES.
Would​ you consi​der adopt​ion?​ Well, if I got pregnant I certainly wouldn't have an abortion...oh, you mean TAKE kids? XD No.
Would​ you rathe​r go to a baseb​all game or a footb​all game?​ I'd rather sit in my room and curl up with a good book. Or Cody, whichever was handier.
Is there​ someo​ne you want to fight​?​ Not really. But now I have that Pink song stuck in my head. ("Na na na na na na na, I wanna start a fight..." It's called So What. Download it, it's freaking catchy.)
Do you belie​ve in true love?​ I HAS IT!
What are you doing​ tonig​ht?​ After this, BEDTIME.
Do you know what you' re weari​ng tomor​row?​ Yeah, if I know I'm leaving the house at all, I generally pick out my clothes the night before, when I'm actually awake, lol.
Do you want to go back in time?​ No, if I had a time machine I'd go FORWARD. And there's not really anything I want to fix badly enough to want to risk changing everything else.
What were you doing​ an hour ago? Um. This.
Have you ever seen someo​ne you knew and purpo​sely avoid​ed seein​g them?​ ...yeah. Usually because I KNOW I know them but can't remember their name.
Do you know anyon​e with such a terri​bly annoy​ing voice​ , that you can't even stand​?​ I think is is pretty much the thing stopping me from getting into "The Nanny." Lol. (However, I like Roseanne, so...)
What were you doing​ at 10am?​ Today? Sleeping. Hardcore.
Is there​ someo​ne you wish you were still​ close​ with?​ Yeah, two or three.
Did you go to sleep​ happy​ last night​?​ Oh yes.
Who was the last girl you talke​d to? Um...Steph, online. If you don't count online I haven't had any contact with any females at all today. O_o
Name somet​hing that made you smile​ today​?​ Seeing the design-your-own Converse that Cody wants. Hee.
When was the last time you talke​d to your numbe​r 1 on your top frien​ds?​ Around 10, I think. Not sure what time I signed out.
Hones​tly has anyon​e ever seen you in your under​wear?​ Not since I was old enough for it to be a sexual thing. My parents, though, obviously.
Is there​ any boy or girl you wish you could​ be with right​ now? Cody!
Have you ever dated​ a frien​d'​ s ex? Nope.
Is there​ a perso​n of the oppos​ite sex that you care a lot about​?​ More than one, but yes, I do have a "significant other," if that's what you're driving at.
Have you ever thoug​ht about​ getti​ng your lip pierc​ed?​ Not in a serious way, lol.
Are you in a good mood right​ now? I'm pretty meh. Miss Cody, stressed about money, but more or less happy.
Last femal​e you slept​ in the same room with?​ Uh...huh. Wow. Oh yeah, the gals the night before Shelly's wedding. Had to think about that.
If you were upset​,​ who' s the first​ girl you would​ go to? Probably Kristy, if I felt the need to go to anyone at all. But it would depend on what I was upset about.
Do you need to say anyth​ing to someo​ne?​ I LOVE YOU CODY!!! <3 (Hee.)
Has anyon​e ever told you they love you? Of course.
Do you get along​ with your mom? Now that I don't have to live with her, I find it much easier to put up with her, but it's still a matter of putting up with her.
Do you fall for peopl​e easil​y?​ Well, hm. It was a trait of mine, but I won't anymore, lol, because I'm taken. And oddly enough it took longer to totally fall for Cody than it usually takes me...which I'm going to interpret as a sign of my own maturity in that area.
Does the last perso​n you held hands​ with​ mean anyth​ing to you? He's everything to me.
Do you think​ you' ll be in a relat​ionsh​ip 3 month​s from now? Oh yes. I better be, lol!
Do you know anyon​e that smoke​s pot? >_< Yes.
Have you ever made out again​st a truck​?​ No, but if that's something that I absolutely MUST experience before I die I'm sure I can get that taken care of soon. However, I've made out against a CAR and I can't imagine that it's much different.
Do you think​ the last perso​n you kisse​d is nice?​ Oh yes. I wouldn't have kissed him otherwise.
Ever kisse​d a blond​e-haire​d,​ blue-eyed perso​n?​ Nope.
Have you ever kisse​d anyon​e whose name start​ed with C? YES!!!
How many kids do you want to have?​ None!
Do you have a best frien​d?​ Yeah. It's more like a circle of a select few.
Do you like your life?​ I do now.
Did you date anyon​e last summe​r?​ Over this last summer I was talking with/falling for Cody. So...I guess not technically since it was September before we met face-to-face, but yes. Lol.
This past summe​r?​ Uh...what? OH. Previous answer goes HERE. To answer last question, then--no, I was still convinced that Duncan would work out. =(
Is it okay if you kiss peopl​e when you'​re singl​e?​ Well, I personally wouldn't kiss someone unless there was some level of commitment, but I guess it's not inherently wrong so long as everyone involved understands what's going on.
What is wrong​ with you right​ now? XD I should be asleep.
Do you plan on kissi​ng the last perso​n you kisse​d again​?​ Many many many many many many many many many many many times. I'm addicted. I doubt he minds.
Do you think​ you can last in a relat​ionsh​ip for 6 month​s?​ I've had one-sided crushes last longer than that even when I was being treated like crap, so I'm pretty sure it's not going to be a challenge. We're 1/3 of the way there! Lol.
Are you too shy to tell peopl​e when you' re devel​oping​ feeli​ngs for them?​ No, I'd ask a guy out. I won't say "I love you" first,'s always worked so far. ^_-
Do you dance​ while​ getti​ng ready​ for whate​ver?​ I've been known to dance around in my panties now and again...
Have you ever done somet​hing outra​geous​ly dumb?​ Not outrageously, lol.
What'​ s the worst​ thing​ you've been arres​ted for? Lol, never been arrested.
Do you like the town you live in? Not particularly, but it's better than some. *coughforrestcitycough*
If not, where​ would​ you like to live inste​ad?​ Anywhere further north. The big contenders in my mind are Chicago, St. Louis, and Edmonton or Calgary. Possibly Denver. But we'll see. (Rogers, at least, but I really would like to get the hell out of Arkansas.)
Are you sick right​ now? Um, no. Well, to paraphrase that Scrubs episode, if I looked hard enough I'm sure I could find SOMETHING wrong, but I'm fine, lol.


Nov. 5th, 2008 03:57 am
rena_librarian: (Default)
From [profile] kiashyel
At this moment in time if you HAD to have someone's name tattooed on you it would be? Uh...probably J.R.R. Tolkien's initial-symbol, lol. I would never tattoo a name on myself!!
Are you allergic to anything? Seafood.
Who did you kiss at midnight on New Years? Lol, no one. Planning on fixing that this year!
Are you a dog or cat person? CAT.
Have you ever dated someone longer than a year? Not yet.
Do you plan on being in a relationship 2 months from now? Yes!
Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Well yeah.
Did you get any compliments today? They were from a couple of days ago, but I just read them today. I was told I was a Grammar Snob and that I was dry (as in, my humor). And yes, I'm sure they were compliments, and I was quite pleased by both. ^_^
What would you say if someone told you they were in love with your brother? I'd tell them they were SOL as both my brothers are happily married.
Who was the last person to call you their homie g? Uh...probably Nico, if anyone ever.
What time did you wake up this morning? wasn't morning anymore.
Does it matter to you if your bf/gf smokes cigs? Yeeeeeah...I've had crushes on smokers but I don't really think I could kiss a smoker. That could get problematic sooner or later.
Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with? Of course not. I don't converse with those I hate.
Does the person you like, like you back? I'm pretty sure he's totally in love with me. ^_^
What were you doing at 9:00 pm last night? Um. Last night. Uh. What day was it? I think I was at Nico's but the days are starting to run together again.
Ever been swimming in a lake or river? Well, yeah, back when I used to swim.
Did anyone call you last night? Nope. Yesterday afternoon and this morning but not last night. I text a lot more than I talk.
How many different houses have you lived in throughout your life? Six, if you count both apartments.
What is your name if you spell it without the letters "N" "O" and "L"? Sarah Strbe. XD
Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Depends...which I guess means no, lol.
Did you cry today? No.
Last person who text messaged you? Nico, I'm pretty sure.
Do you currently have a hickey? Not currently. And if anyone other than the two people I told about it can tell me when it was, well, fail. (It was not intentional, Cody was duly punished for it after the fact, and it has not happened since.)
Who did you last go out to eat with? mother.
Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months or more? Yeah. We're a third of the way there. ^_^
What made you happy today? Hm. Cody called me this morning. I made significant NaNo progress and am not behind. I voted and that made me feel smart. I got a library card, though I'm not likely to use it. Wolf was a cute kid. I found out that Steven is even MORE cool than I thought initially.
When was the last time you were told you were beautiful? Sunday. I still don't believe him, but I love to hear it.
Do you find it in your heart to forgive? Oh, usually. If the offense is particularly bad I'll stop talking to someone, but I don't waste time being mad at them. (It's an extreme example of forgive and FORGET.)
When was the last time something bothered you? Today, when Arkansas Prop One passed. =(
Ever thought you were going to marry someone you didn’t end up marrying? Yeah, more than once.
Do you call anyone by their last name? No, people call ME by MY last name! Lol.
Last person to make you smile? Uh...Steven.
If you're sleeping and someone calls you what do you say? Assuming I answer, I still usually just say "Hello?" Depends on who it is.
Where did you get your last bruise from? I get banged up so often they all kinda blur together.
When was the last time you felt your heart was actually breaking? Hmm...honestly probably when I realized that things were falling apart with Duncan.
Who are you closest to in your family? Jennifer.
What does the 50th text in your inbox say? I keep my inbox empty. Phone storage is for ringtones!
Would you ever live with anyone on your top friends? Uh, my MySpace top friends? Let's see...I will be living with Cody someday (when we get married), I DID live with Nico for about two and a half weeks, and I could probably deal with Kristy, Shelly, or Jacqui. Possibly others in a more-than-two-roommates kind of situation.
Feel like talking to someone that you haven't in a while? You know, it's funny. Kade emailed me out of nowhere and gave me her new number, and we exchanged texts for like half an hour. I'd been thinking about her for about a week. So I guess I'd have to say Hobbity...
Expecting something to change in the next month? Yeah, I expect to have a JOB. Grr.
Would you get married if you could right now? You know, if all the finances/etc. were there, I might just jump the gun and marry Cody. Maybe not the wisest move at this moment, but I think we could make it.
Who was the last person you were mad at? Hmm...Nico.
Who was the last person to comment/message you? Uh, I think it was GamgeeFest. On LJ anyway.
Do you think too much or too little? Way, way, way too much.
Did you kiss or hug anyone today? Steven gave me a hug before I left, and I think I gave Wolf a hug at some point...
Have you ever in any way, been betrayed by someone you trust? Yeah.
Was the first person you talked to today male or female? Male, because it was my ABF. ^_^
Have you ever had your heart broken? Several times. I finally managed to find all the pieces though, and I gave them to someone I trust.
Do you think you'll be married in 10 years? I know I'll be married in about a year. =D
Who would you honestly say you would risk your life for? A couple of people. It's a relatively short list though.
What’s the most important part of a relationship in your opinion? Trust.
What are your plans for this weekend? None on Saturday, driving down to see Cody on Sunday.
When's last time you wanted to cry? I did cry on Friday.
Who was the last person you took a picture with? As in, I was IN the picture with them? Cody.
When was the last time you were told you were amazing? Sunday.
If you could have one thing right now, what would it be? A GOOD JOB!!
rena_librarian: (Default)
This site is awesome: this group sets up elaborate practical jokes, but they're usually with the goal of making people feel good. =D Read about the original MP3 experiment--I want to do that someday!!--and even the Suicide Jumper is...kinda heartwarming. Food Court Musical, ZOMG!

And when you've entertained yourself, plz 2 continyoo reeding. ...Okay, I know that there are some people who read something romantic and are all "ZOMG, gag me with a chocolate heart," though they seem to be diminishing in number lately. If you're one of those, you may want to skip this entry, lol, 'cause it's pretty much all about Cody. If you're Kristy or Nico you've probably heard a large amount of this already, lol.

I think it's finally happened: I've finally made good decisions regarding a guy. =P Cody and I have been together a week now (or will have been, in about 12 hours), which sadly puts him ahead of Sam, but I'm not worried about his going anywhere anytime soon.

My parents are being so surprisingly chill about the whole thing that I actually told them I'm going down to see him tomorrow. (I should be asleep, but I have to flatiron and don't want to do it in the morning.) And they didn't even throw a hissy about it. WEIRD. But yay for things being easy.

The more Cody and I talk, the awesomer he gets. The latest example would be today--I asked if I had to dress up, since I'm meeting his family and all, and he said no, not really. "No cleavage," lol. And of course I countered this with the obligatory flat-chested self-deprecating joke, and he assured me that A) he didn't care at all how big/small I am, and B) he totally hadn't meant to go there with it, he'd just meant don't dress like a slut, which he knew I never would anyway.

Last night I was over at Kristy's, hanging out while she deployed from home. While she was getting ready, I was at the computer, so I added Cody to her MSN since I actually hang out over there a lot and we'll often both sit in front of the computer and talk to other people, lol. I chatted with him for a while, but finally I had to hand the keyboard over to Kristy so she could get to work. He totally kept chatting with her, and she started telling him about her guy problems and he gave her really good advice. I thought that was incredibly sweet. ^_^ (Of course now and again he'd ask if I was still there and say something to me, too, lol.)

And then on Wednesday (yeah, I'm working backwards, lol) I found I out have the chance to go to St. Louis. (Dad's going to Saskatoon for Lions International US/Canada Forum, flying out of St. Louis, Mom is going to St. Louis to see the kids, and I have a job now but I don't start until October, so I don't have to be home for interviews or anything, so I'm riding along.) I told Mom I wanted to go, thinking it was the weekend between Cody weekends (we're probably going to go every other weekend, and alternate, so we're only making the drive once a month). When I looked at it on a calendar, though, it was in fact the SAME weekend. =( I toyed with the idea of not going after all, but when it came down to it, I'm going to see Cody relatively often, and I haven't seen the kids since the reunion in May and probably won't again until the holidays. I hated to break it to him, but I did. I was all "I hate it that my going means you'll have to wait three weeks," and he said that it would be well worth the wait. When I continued apologizing and assuring him that it wasn't that I particularly wanted to have to wait any longer to see him, he said (and I quote), "it's okay sweetie I understand." He called me sweetie! =D And he was totally serious, too, there was no guilt trip at all. Kristy was like "Well, did you expect anything less?" and I told her I was expecting him to be more disappointed, but instead he was awesome and understanding (and I told him so, lol). As mentioned above, we have resolved the whole three-weeks wait with my going to see him this week, lol. (Tomorrow morning. ZOMG I can't wait to see him!)

Also, when he was here, he gave me some gas money for the drive down. I told him he didn't have to, and that I'd rather he hung onto his money so he could come see me again, lol, and he told me "It's not gas money. It's an investment in my happiness." And you can't argue with that, seriously. Even my mother thought this was incredibly charming when I told her. ^_^

I was involuntarily volunteered to run the Operation Christmas Child booth today at the fair by Dad, and then the crazy weather and tornado alarms and all happened, so I helped dismantle said booth, and then the word came through that we were, in fact, not in danger, so I went to dinner with my parents tonight. I showed them the pic of Cody that I took with my phone, and they both think he needs a haircut and that he and I should go to church together and they DO want to meet him (though they weren't so insistent this time, lol), but really, for them, they're being amazingly nonchalant. I figured they'd freak when I said I was going down there, but they didn't. I also figured they'd freak when I said I was meeting his family when I told them that they wouldn't get to meet him unless I decided to marry him (and I'm only half-kidding), but I just got that trite-but-true bit of advice about how you can tell a lot about how a guy will treat you when you see how he treats his mother. (When talking about her, sometimes he gets pissy, especially when she put the kibosh on his coming to see me the first time we planned it, but he usually follows it up with something like, "But I guess it's understandable, she works so hard, etc etc.")

I was talking with Kristy at some point this week (I don't remember what day now, lol) about Cody and his ever-growing awesomeness, and how he's not someone I ever would have pictured myself with (geekiness notwithstanding), but how much--well, frankly--better he is than any other guy I've ever dated/wanted to date, and she was like, "You know, I bet that Cody isn't everything you want, or at least thought you wanted, but I bet he's everything you need. God knows." And I totally think she's right. I really think that there's some Divine Design working here--I've also been talking to Kristy a lot about how sometimes you have to realize that it's okay to be single. While I still wanted to be in a relationship, I was finally starting to accept that I'd live and be okay even if I never did--and that never falling would be better in the long run than falling for the wrong guy. I have a good circle of friends that are going to take care of me and be there for me if/when I need them, and I'm an independent woman. And yeah, it sounds trite even to me and we've all heard it a million times--but just as I was cursing my luck and was about to decide that the whole dating thing just wasn't worth the hassle anymore, along came Cody--Cody, who has been incredibly patient with me and does his best to allay my fears and insecurities. I don't think I tell him enough just how impressed I am, really.

And on a semi-related note, I've been praying again lately--a lot--and trying to pray more prayers of thankfulness than asking for things. When I do ask for things, they're generally blessings for other people, not myself. I finally feel like things are going right and I have no business asking for anything, like I'm I already getting more than I deserve. I know I've been well-off before in my life (I never had to pay for school, for instance)--for most of my life, really--but I've never felt so appreciative of what I have before. I'm trying to pinpoint when exactly I started feeling like this and I can't remember any closer than that it's definitely been since I've not had a job and since I've met Cody, lol, but before Shelly's wedding. IDK. Maybe Kristy is rubbing off on me, lol. I'm still not thrilled with the idea of church--I'm almost certainly going to have to go while we're in St. Louis >_< --but God's been pretty good to me lately and, well, like Cameron said in that one episode of House, "It means something to me, to be grateful for what I've received."
rena_librarian: (Default)
From the beginning, since I've really only hinted at all this so far...

So after the whole Sam thing went down, I was whining to Kristy about how I really liked the idea of online dating, since you could kind of weed out if you had anything in common and if you were looking for the same thing before you even talked to people, much less before things carried on too far, but it also kind of sucked because they're all pay-to-contact. (I was on Yahoo! Personals for a while there. It got annoying.)

Well that set her mind to churning, and she came back a day or two later and directed me to Plenty Of Fish, which is 100% free. So I signed up, and bearing in mind something Brandon had said to me back when he dumped me, I messaged any guy who met all my major criteria.

I didn't really have a lot of luck--I didn't hear back from like 95% of the guys I messaged, lol, and the ones that messaged me were mostly--GAH. I don't get how I can put "if your profile is riddled with typos, don't bother" and "no, I don't want kids, and that's an absolute must" into my profile and still have guys with horrible spelling and grammar, or who had/wanted kids, message me.

Well, there was one guy that I looked over, and was sooooo close, but because of something he'd ticked in one of the checkboxes, I didn't message him. I thought about it--kept going back to the profile and reading it over again, actually--but ended up not doing it.

Then there was the whole Katchan-is-setting-me-up-with-a-guy-in-Canada thing, and that went over like a lead balloon. While I was dealing with harsh, derisive emails from him (the nicest of the things he said being that I was nothing at all like what he'd been expecting--um...sorry?), said "so-close" guy messaged me. He included his MSN address and stuff, so a day or three after I received it, in a violent swing of "Ah, what the hell? Certainly can't go any worse than the last one!" I added him on MSN. He was online when I did so and we started chatting.

His name is Cody. We completely clicked, and there's barely been a day since when we haven't chatted in some form--I ended up giving him my phone number about two weeks into it. This all started happening in mid-May, end of May, somewhere in there. When Mom spent that week in the hospital in early July, he called me the night she was admitted and I left Mom's room and told him I wasn't sure I'd be able to talk to him while she was there, since I knew I was going to spend all my free time there with her. By the end of that week, I missed him.

Early on (like probably the third time we chatted), Cody admitted to me that he wasn't quite eighteen yet (had about six weeks to go), and I told him then and there that I wouldn't even consider meeting him in person until after his birthday, which came and went while Mom was in the hospital. He still lives at home, actually, but he graduated early and just started his second year of college yesterday. After his birthday, it was a matter of money--I still have no job (though I went on a good interview today!), and while he does work on campus, in the computer lab, his parents have a fair measure of control over his money. And by fair measure I mean total.

But what brings this all up is that he called me last night with good news--he talked to his mom, and she is (surprisingly!) completely and totally cool with him finally driving up here to see me. =D So he should be coming up for a Sunday afternoon (his only free day, between school and work) sometime in the very near future. He just started school, like I said, so it'll be a couple of weeks yet, but very, very soon. I've been on cloud nine since he told me. ^_^

And please, DO NOT comment and tell me about all the safety rules for when you meet someone from the Internet IRL. I have heard them all already, and will be following them. (Meet somewhere public, keep your phone on you, make sure someone knows where you are, etc.)

Soo...pertinent details about Cody himself? Yeah, there's quite an age difference, but if I'm not thinking about it, I forget it's there. =) His dream is to own a computer store/repair shop. He's incredibly polite, and sweet to me. He's completely geeky--he can talk circles around me when it comes to computers--and is a Mac man to boot. Not so much a reader (at least not a book reader), but when he does read it's good stuff. I just read The Picture of Dorian Gray on his recommendation. Anyone who likes Oscar Wilde obviously has impeccable taste. He's creative, has a DeviantArt and makes electronic music and YouTube videos. (Yes, he's in my friends on DA and YouTube, as well as MySpace and Facebook.) Lol, I dunno...he's just...he makes me happy inside.

I've been talking with Nico and Kristy about him, and they both assure me that from what I tell them that I'm not going off the deep end. Nico's exact words on the matter were "If you haven't fucked it up after three months, it's infallible. Go for it." -_-* Lol. (This would probably be funnier if it wasn't true.)

In other news, I got my left-ear cartilage pierced last Friday night. Long story, which I may post later, when I feel like typing another massive missive. Honestly, it was exciting at the time, but it feels like small news compared to what I just wrote. ^_^


Jun. 21st, 2008 01:19 am
rena_librarian: (Default)
I think I mentioned I got my address labels (printed correctly this time!) and filed away the books I've purchased since I moved in. I realized that I did, in fact, buy the second edition of the New York Times Crossword Dictionary. QUITE helpful, actually--I did the Baxter Bulletin crossword and for once I got absolutely all of the answers and didn't have to make any guesses and go back and unmake them, lol. 'Twas full of awesome. ^_^

And now, MEMES:

INTRODUCE YOURSELVES! Answer these in a comment, then post them on your journal (if you want to) so I can answer!
1. Name:
2. Birthday:
3. Where do you live:
4: What are you studying/What are you working as:
5. What makes you happy:
6. What are you listening to now/have listened to last:
7. What is particularly good/bad about my LJ:
8. An interesting fact about you:
9. Are you in love/have a crush at the moment:
10. Favorite place to be:
11. Favorite lyric:
12. Best time of the year:
13. Weirdest food you like:

1. A film:
2. A book:
3. A song:
4: A band:

1. Favorite Fandom:
2. OTP/OT3:
3. Icon/Fic Journal (so I can join):

1. One thing you like about me:
2. Two things you like about yourself:
3. Put this in your lj so I can tell you what I think of you?

rena_librarian: (Default)
Ten Things You Want To Say To Ten Different People:
1. I think I wrecked our relationship permanently. I seriously fucked up. I went to sleep last night with the thought that I should contact you first thing in the morning because I hadn't seen you and then you called.
2. We're never going to see 100% eye to eye, but you've opened my eyes to a lot of prejudice. I'm ashamed to admit to you that I once condoned and even supported that.
3. When I first saw you, I honestly thought you were too pretty to talk to me. Glad I was wrong.
4. I have decided that I have enough insecurities of my own and that I'm much healthier as a person since I quit worrying about conforming to yours, too.
5. Sometimes I wonder what you would have been like if you had lived, but I don't actually wish for it, because I realize that there's a good possibility that if you had, I would never have existed.
6. I figured that if there was anyone who wouldn't change because she had babies, it would be you. And as much as I love them all, I was wrong about that--sometimes I feel like we have zero in common.
7. I know you're trying to protect your daughter from bad influences, but I would really love to be able to MSN with my niece. Let her back on the internet. It's not all bad.
8. You're the only biological relative I have that actually gets me and if you had skipped the reunion, I probably would have, too.
9. You're more wishy-washy than I remembered from when I was a kid.
10. Be patient with me...I think I like you. No. I know I like you. It's just a matter of how much.

Nine Things About Yourself:
1. I own over a thousand books and I've read the majority of them.
2. I'm allergic to seafood.
3. I can never think of what to put in these "random facts about YOU!" things.
4. I'm addicted to LiveJournal.
5. I want to have purple hair at least once before I die.
6. I think the Wall Of Avatars on my MySpace says more about me than anything else I could have ever put together.
7. I also think that there is no one else on earth besides myself who would understand 100% of the avatars in said wall, due to the diversity of the fandoms and quotes and such.
8. I love cats.
9. I own 31 pairs of shoes.

Eight Ways To Win My Heart:
1. Be creative--if you can amuse/intrigue me, you've won half the battle. "Fat penguin." "...?" "I wanted to say something that would break the ice." <=Waaaay better than something like "So what's your favorite movie?"
2. Create something--write a poem, or a song, or draw something.
3. Don't try to impress me.
4. Do your research. Anyone can send a dozen red roses, it takes a little more effort to know I'd rather have jonquils--or really, that I'd rather you buy me a present that I'll still have five years from now instead of something that'll be dead, gone, and in the trash in a few weeks at the most.
5. Brownies. Nothing funky, just plain old brownies with chocolate frosting.
6. Small, simple gestures go a long way. Leaving me a personal note or fixing something for me trumps spending lots of $$$.
7. Understand that sometimes I am irrational, but if you stick around through it, it'll pass.
8. If I'm not laughing/loling, it's already over.

Seven Things That Cross Your Mind A Lot:
1. My friends, collectively.
2. Lions stuff.
3. Elijah/LotR.
4. Near-future plans (my itinerary for the day/week, getting bills paid on time, etc.).
5. The distant future (more than a year or two away).
6. Ideas for art/fiction and the thought that I don't spend enough time on either.
7. Heh...someone.

Six Things You Wish You Never Did:
1. Called Katchan something that I KNEW full well would press one of her buttons. In retrospect I should have waited and cooled off before I said anything.
2. Entered the Honors Society. I might actually still be in school if I hadn't.
3. Talked to Hannah. I certainly don't anymore.
4. There was this one temper tantrum when I was three (or about to be three) that I actually still feel guilty for throwing, and not just because my parents still tell the story. I have no idea why I was so upset, though I remember being upset.
5. Drank the water in Mexico. IT'S ALL TRUE.
6. Listened to my mother so much.

Five Turn Offs (in a girl if you're a boy, boy if you're a girl):
1. Stupidity, always.
2. Being overly muscular.
3. Preppiness (as differentiated from metrosexuality, which is a turn-on)
4. Obsession with sports.
5. Unavailability.

Four Turn Ons:
1. Intelligence, lol.
2. Artistic creativity in some capacity--music, art, writing...
3. Dark hair+blue eyes.
4. Red hair, lol...

Three Smileys That Describe Your Life:
1. =D
2. XD
3. O_o

Two Things You Want To Do Before You Die:
1. Get married (and everything that entails, wink wink).
2. Become a bestselling author.

One Confession:
I've been hesitant to say anything after the last one went so badly, but...I've met someone.
rena_librarian: (Default)

Your Ice Cream Personality:

You are not a particularly modest person. You're proud of who you are, and you don't care who knows it.

You are incredibly cautious. You rather miss out on something than make a mistake. No one would ever call you wild... but they would call you responsible.

You are a fairly open minded person with a wide range of tastes. You are quite accepting of unusual ideas and people.

You tend to have a one track mind. You prefer not to multitask.

You are a serious and contemplative person. You definitely do your own thing in life.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes.

rena_librarian: (Default)
So I don't really know if I've asserted this on LJ, occasionally I get surprised at who doesn't know this about me, but: I'm childfree. That means I don't have kids and never WANT to have them. It's not the same as childless--where you want kids and can't have them for whatever reason.

It was only in the last year that I realized that we have a name and are a movement, but I've been pretty solid on the never wanting to give birth since I was a child, and the older I got the more I realized I wasn't too keen on raising adopted kids, either.

There are a lot of reasons why I finally made my decision, I won't go into them but feel free to ask in the comments.

Anyway. Having been none too pleased with the RL opportunities that have crossed my path, and having been directed to a 100% free dating site, I've ventured back into online dating. Now, among other things on your profile, there's an option you can check as to how you feel about kids: yes, do not want kids, undecided/open. I'll only message guys in the latter two, but I don't stop kid-wanters from messaging me. I figure if they see that and message me anyway they're not too serious about it, but I'd definitely ask before things got too far.

Anyway, I was checking my messages tonight and got my first onsite IM. Of course as soon as it popped up I was checking out the guy's profile, and he fit the basics (nonsmoker, Christian, right age, etc), but it was riddled with typos and we didn't seem to have any interests in common. Still, he had expressed interest so I was trying to be polite, 'cause hey, you never know.

Well, his IM spelling/grammar was no better than his profile so I was pretty quick to see that it was going to go nowhere fast. I can forgive typos and certain misspellings if effort is being made, but he told me he was at the age where it's difficult to meet girls thusly: "i am at that age know whar it is defrclt to find agirl" Copied-and-pasted. Ouch. And he was trying to tell me how smart he was, because my profile says I'm looking for a geeky guy. I asked him three times what his favorite book was and he never answered.

I put up that I drink and he was looking for a nondrinker but he asked how much and he said it was fine. Then I noticed he only wanted to date girls who live on their own. Meep, that set off alarm bells. At the end, I saw my golden window: Wants kids: yes. You know, I'm just going to let the IM speak for itself. Yay for copy-and-paste. ^_^ Obviously not his real name or screenname, lol.

rena_librarian:  okay
rena_librarian:  your capslock is on
DatingSiteGuy:  o sorry
rena_librarian:  lol, it's okay
DatingSiteGuy:  ya  like you can say somthing and i can say ya that was back then


DatingSiteGuy:  so you read my page
rena_librarian:  yeah
rena_librarian:  you should know, I drink
DatingSiteGuy:  ya but how many times a day
rena_librarian:  uhh, like maybe 2-3 times a month
rena_librarian:  3-4 over the course of a couple hours, if I have the cash
rena_librarian:  usually less
DatingSiteGuy:  well it sad on my page as long as it is like i or 2 and thats it
rena_librarian:  wanted to check
DatingSiteGuy:  what do you mean
rena_librarian:  make sure you were okay with that
DatingSiteGuy:  case iam 21
rena_librarian:  yeah, I see that
DatingSiteGuy:  i am at that age know whar it is defrclt to find agirl
rena_librarian:  what age is it easy to find a guy? haha
DatingSiteGuy:  it du pinds if ther not liek me that dont carewhat ther girl duz
DatingSiteGuy:  case i do not do the acholc drinks
rena_librarian:  so what's your favorite book?
DatingSiteGuy:  thers only one drink i do
rena_librarian:  oh yeah?
DatingSiteGuy:  welchers spakling non acholic grap juce


rena_librarian:  so why would you only date a girl who lived by herself?
DatingSiteGuy:  so that way she could take me to her house and it would just be us
rena_librarian:  you live at home?
DatingSiteGuy:  avry girl i dated lived with her parints and never drove
DatingSiteGuy:  a i stell live with my mom and dad

...yeah, I think he was looking for sex. Just a hunch. So I brought up the kids thing:

rena_librarian:  ...your profile says you want kids
DatingSiteGuy:  yes i love kids
rena_librarian:  I don't want kids
rena_librarian:  it's on my profile
DatingSiteGuy:  well thats you
rena_librarian:  haha, yeah, but I wouldn't want to date a guy who definitely wanted to have them someday
DatingSiteGuy:  you have not playd with any kids be for have you
rena_librarian:  actually, I have seven neices and nephews, and a goddaughter
rena_librarian:  not to mention 15+ younger cousins
rena_librarian:  and church kids
rena_librarian:  and kids when I was a junior counselor at a summer camp

...I was rather proud of myself. I still tried to be nice though, I don't figure anyone likes to be shot down any more than I do. If there's someone out there for me, there's someone out there for him, too. Just...not me.

rena_librarian:  kids are okay in small doses, when they're someone else's and I can send them home when they get whiny/cranky
rena_librarian:  but I wouldn't want to live with them
DatingSiteGuy:  and i would not mined dating a person who has kinds
rena_librarian:  maybe you should put that in your profile; there's a lot of single moms who have a hard time finding a date
DatingSiteGuy:  your right
DatingSiteGuy:  case after all my moms brother is dating a girl her name is pam
ther the same age and she had 2 kids
rena_librarian:  yeah
rena_librarian:  so I don't think you and me would make a good match
rena_librarian:  but good luck

So yeah. I think that officially counts as my first bingo from a stranger. Family is one thing, and I can even understand Crazy Betty from work, but that was

And a thought: Why do people retort with "You'll change your mind when you have one and hold it in your arms!" When is that going to be if I've decided never to have them? *scratches head in puzzlement*

Modified and x-posted to [profile] cf_christians  and [profile] pcos_childfree .
rena_librarian: (Default)
This amuses me muchly. The fact that the gay dude looks a lot like Ryan doesn't help. (I went hunting for headlines. ^_^)

Jobhunt: meh. I applied for three things today. Doctor's office sounds awesome. Srsly.

I HAVE CURTAINS! IN MAH BEDROOM! They're very sheer and looking down the hallway at them it barely registers that they're even there, but they tint the light purple, and I bet once it's dark out, they're going to read more like "GIANT RECTANGLE OF PURPLE ON THE WALL FTW!" Yay.

Curtain rods are only 97 cents. Seriously.

I cooked again! I actually went and bought a bigger frying pan. Nine inches wasn't cutting it. That's right, I said it. And now I have taco meat. Yum.

Nico kidnapped me on Tuesday and we went to West Plains. (That makes it sound like far more planning went into than actually did...) Ate at Ryan's. ^_^ Went grocery shopping. We ran into a guy Nico's been talking to online, of all the random things. So yay.

OH YEAH. About a week or two ago I was on MySpace and Sam's status was something about "hates tires and rims and everything else!" The next day Kristy and I were driving thataway and I suggested we drive by and look at his car. Sure enough his car was in the driveway and the front tire was...bent over double on itself. I can't even describe it, much less figure out what the hell he did. Let's not forget, he delivers pizza for a living.

And I wasn't gonna post anything about it...but then when I was with Nico I found out that Brandon's in jail. *snerk* He didn't really DO anything, it was just a stupid mistake on his part (and he hasn't been there long, since Tuesday according to Nico)...but when I heard that, I just thought to myself...

"DAMN. It does not pay to break up with me."

Lol. Future boyfriends beware...

My dad just called me re: the stuff we're doing tomorrow (there's a benefit concert for...something...and they're buying my ticket and we're going to dinner, but he's not sure where we're meeting up, etc etc), and he told me to "just hang loose." XD I was still laughing when we hung up.

February 2012



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