rena_librarian: (Default)
So I participated in a secret santa over on [livejournal.com profile] beyond_dapper. And today was a bad day. And I don't know what possessed me, but I made a video of myself opening my presents.


So yeah. That's me. =)

sad news

Apr. 17th, 2011 03:25 am
rena_librarian: (Default)
Copied and pasted from Facebook.

I've blocked the people from work that I'm friends with on Facebook from viewing this as I'm trying to keep this quiet at work; I've told the supervisors but I just don't want to deal with the questions or the pity looks from my coworkers. It's hard enough getting work done without that kind of interruption.

Cody left last Friday. This isn't as much of a shock as it probably seems. We've been arguing for a while and I just haven't said anything to anyone because I didn't think things would end up like this. I thought we'd get things resolved. I wanted--still want--to work things out between us, but things have gotten to a point where I can't do it alone. Even if he called me up and wanted to come back, I would insist on going to marriage counseling. This is one of the biggest problems, really--he flat-out refuses to go to any kind of counseling or therapy, with or without me. My hands are tied--there is literally nothing else I can do.

I don't want to go into everything--I've hashed it all out with a few people already and frankly it isn't everyone's business--but the thing that really tipped the scales (and started us bickering at all) is that Cody's now decided he wants kids, which I made plain before we were ever even dating wasn't going to happen. And as much as this sucks, and as bad as I hate it, I still feel like motherhood (even adoption, even foster parenting with a limited age range) would be ten times more hellish than what I'm going through now. I haven't changed my mind in the last ten+ years, I don't think I'll be changing it in the future.

I'm not 100% sure what the future holds. I know for sure that if there's any way at all to make it happen, I want to move away--I've wanted out of this town for as long as I can remember. In the words of Beauty and the Beast, "There must be more than this provincial life." And without Cody I really have no reason to stay--in fact, I would've moved in November of 2008, when I was unemployed, but for the fact that I didn't want to make our long-distance relationship even longer-distance. I'll obviously need to get a new job lined up before I can pack up and go, though. I have two locations in mind but I have people I need to talk to first just to even see if it would be plausible.

I'll answer questions, if anyone has them, if they're not too nosy. If I decide your question IS too nosy I won't be afraid to say so.

I'm heartbroken, but I'm coping. I really don't have any choice but to move forward--I don't hold out a lot of hope that anything's going to change.



Added on LJ: I'm sure it's no shock to anyone that my main coping device has been music, but even I'm mildly surprised that Kurt from Glee has been my go-to--favorite character or no, I wouldn't think the songs would parallel. But Rose's Turn and Defying Gravity have helped A LOT.
rena_librarian: (Default)
Yay Facebook memes.

The Bucket List
Place an X by all the things you've done and remove the X from the ones you have not.

Things you have done during your lifetime:
(x) Gone on a blind date
(x) Skipped school ('cause I was sick, not random class-ditching)
( ) Watched someone die
(x) Been to Canada
(x) Been to Mexico
(x) Been to Florida
( ) Been to Hawaii
(x) Been on a plane
( ) Been on a helicopter
( ) Been lost
( ) Gone to Washington, DC
(x) Swam in the ocean
(x) Cried yourself to sleep
(x) Played cops and robbers
( ) Recently colored with crayons
(x) Sang Karaoke!!!
(x) Paid for a meal with coins only (McD's)
(x) Been to the top of the St. Louis Arch
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't (usually eating =( )
( ) Made prank phone calls
( ) Been down Bourbon Street in New Orleans
(x) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose (scared a dog shitless doing it, too!)
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
( ) Danced in the rain-naked
( ) Written a letter to Santa Claus
(x) Been kissed under the mistletoe (haha in Radio Shack)
(x) Watched the sunrise with someone (while driving to class, or we never would have been up that early)
(x) Blown bubbles
( ) Gone ice-skating
(x) Gone to the movies
( ) Been deep sea fishing
( ) Driven across the United States
(x) Been in a hot air balloon
( ) Been sky diving
( ) Gone snowmobiling
( ) Lived in more than one country
( ) Lay down outside at night and admired the stars while listening to the crickets
(x) Seen a falling star and made a wish
(x) Enjoyed the beauty of Old Faithful Geyser
(x) Seen the Statue of Liberty (from a LONG way away)
( ) Gone to the top of Seattle Space Needle
( ) Been on a cruise
(x) Traveled by train
( ) Traveled by motorcycle (ridden, but not TRAVELED)
(x) Been horse back riding
(x) Ridden on a San Francisco CABLE CAR
(x) Been to Disneyland OR Disney World
(x) Truly believe in the power of prayer
( ) Been in a rain forest
( ) Seen whales in the ocean
(x) Been to Niagara Falls (I was too little to remember though)
(x) Ridden on an elephant
( ) Swam with dolphins
( ) Been to the Olympics
( ) Walked on the Great Wall of China
( ) Saw and heard a glacier calf
( ) Been spinnaker flying
( ) Been water-skiing
( ) Been snow-skiing
( ) Been to Westminster Abbey
( ) Been to the Louvre
( ) Swam in the Mediterranean
( ) Been to a Major League Baseball game
( ) Been to a National Football League game





25 random things about me
(yeah, yeah, but it was going around on FB as well)

1. I think I'm the last person alive to have never seen Titanic. Even my parents finally watched it, when it came on TBS or whatever and all the naughty bits were edited out. I'm tempted to keep it that way out of sheer contrariness.

2. I hated mac and cheese growing up (and still hate the cheese-from-powder crap) and Mom fed me cottage cheese instead. I was 12 before I realized this was weird.

3. I still see traces of social awkwardness in myself from having been homeschooled, and I hate it, though I wouldn't trade my superior education.

4. I want to have a nice, solid swing that doesn't hurt my butt.

5. I have a lot of weird beliefs, but I am very passionate about them and their rightness. (For example, I believe it's wrong to take up an offering during a church service--there should be a place where people can drop their donations discreetly, instead of encouraging people to make a show of it.)

6. People can talk about how pretty Arkansas/the Ozarks is/are, but honestly, other than in brief glimpses, I don't really see it. I think I'm ruined for it. The most gorgeous tree/rock formation/waterfall is never going to get as much of a reaction as a nifty skyscraper, or even a small but beautiful architectural detail that catches my eye.

7. I've miscalculated my taxes two years running, but both times it was to my favor and the feds just sent me a bigger check than I was expecting. I still think I'm gonna all the papers to the free H&R block people at Wal*Mart this year.

8. I hate the fact that I live in a place that's so NOT diverse that I feel compelled to stare at African Americans when I spot one around here. (It's just here, not me. I don't do it in St. Louis.)

9. I have the same birthday as Albert Einstein, which also happens to be Pi Day.

10. I have never changed a diaper and it is a life goal for me to be able to say the same on my deathbed.

11. My crush on David Bowie (well, YOUNG David Bowie) is entirely my fiancé's fault. And I think his is worse. =)

12. I love Japanese candy--as Kristy put it, the textures tend to trump American candy--but I think I'll pass on any further durian candy.

13. I hate the fact that my dad was right about the mail not being any fun anymore when you're a grown-up 'cause all you get is bills. Though here lately I've been getting wedding catalogs!! =D

14. I think I've used this every time I fill one of these out--I don't own a single pair of white socks. Actually, I have very few socks that are a solid color. =)

15. I like Burger King's advertising--"Have it your way," etc. All the packaging is like "You're the boss and you are awesome because you get things custom." If only everything in life was like that!!

16. I am a plant killer. I can't help it.

17. I just learned to ride a bike last Saturday, and it made all the negative thoughts I was having about my impending birthday go away.

18. I think someone could learn more about me reading between the lines than they ever could listening to me explain myself--like, reading the things I put in memes or surveys like these, or reading the Wall of Avatars on my MySpace (which I need to redo).

19. The fact that the directions to my house include "stoplight" and "turning lane" make me happy, as does the fact that I can see a stoplight from my back window.

20. Linear distance measurements really mean nothing to me, you have to tell me How Long it takes to get somewhere for it to make any sense to me.

21. I now love watching TV that I saw advertised as a child and wasn't allowed to watch--or even the ones I WAS allowed to watch but didn't understand. My favorite of them is Frasier. I relate to Niles. =)

22. I'm now collecting Rubik's-cube-like puzzles. I have a Pyramorphix (well, it's a knockoff), an Alexander's Star, and a picture cube, along with some other puzzles of similar sorts.

23. This is how old I'm going to be this year! I swore some years ago that if I had no prospects by this age, I was going to pay for online dating. Lucky me, that's some money saved!

24. I once nearly won an essay contest. The prize would have been a trip to Italy. One of the women on the committee to read the essays stopped me in the halls some weeks later and told me I was the second choice.

25. I'm going to bed now.
rena_librarian: (Default)



Hahaha. This guy was (at the time) working in Augusta, Arkansas--this was blooper reel footage, it never made it to TV. He's since moved to Houston, Texas, and I dare say he likes the city better. =) Can't blame him a bit.

February 2012

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