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[personal profile] rena_librarian
Where you go to print off a sheet of address labels, and almost stick in a second and third page of blank ones, say to yourself "Why not?" and then pause, and awkwardly answer yourself "Because you're probably going to be moving soon."

I'm applying for jobs in St. Louis. I can make twice as much working in a video store there as I do at a desk job here. (And honestly? I think it'd be less stressful. Debt collection sucks.)

I want to get the divorce settled first, but as soon as that's done I want out of here. I fucking hate living here, I have for so, so long. I should've moved away for college--I likely never would've met Cody--and I'm just not happy with my life.

(This isn't a cry for help, by the way. I know it will get better, and I have my coping devices in the meantime. I'm just whining.)

Also angst about turning 26 next month and finding myself single after thinking I was done with all that. The idea that I have to start all over, and that I wasted so much time on a man boy who obviously is not The One after all honestly makes me a little sick. Considering I want to take things slower next time around, I could be 30 before I get to be married again. 30. THIRTY. Ugh. I'm having a quarter-life crisis (thank you, John Mayer, for the metaphor).

I don't think everything will magically be better. But I think living in a place I actually want to be--accomplishing a huge, huge, huge bucket list item--will bring the happiness baseline up so high that it'll make everything else so much more bearable.

February 2012

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