May. 1st, 2011

rena_librarian: (Default)
I kind of feel like I've already gotten to a point where I don't miss Cody, per se.

I miss having someone to snuggle with, and talk to, and just plain don't like being alone in the house all the time. (Sometimes, yes. But constantly, not so much.)

But Cody himself? I find it really hard to think of him without thinking of all the dick moves he's pulled recently. (Because...during the last few weeks, there were a lot. And I'd rather not go over them.)

And that kind of sucks, because things were so, so right at first, but like I tried to explain to Michele--I really can't seem to pinpoint where exactly things went wrong. I think it was sooner than I'd like to think.

On the other hand, it was three weeks yesterday, and that can't possibly be right that I'm already so over everything.


I don't think anything is going to change; he won't talk to me. Or, more specifically--if I text/email/FB message/whatever him, he'll reply. But the only time he has contacted me in any way was when he was supposed to bring me money for his half of the car insurance payment, he called to make sure I was home. That's the only time I've seen him since he got the last of his stuff out of the house.

It's possible I can and will hurt all over again when I see him. And my heart breaks a little when I think about not being in touch with the members of his family that I care about (by which I mean pretty much everyone but his mother).

I just don't even know.

I want to be married again; but not to him, unless he goes through some drastic changes. (Oh hot damn, the Glee cover of Bad Romance just started playing in iTunes...appropriate much?) I've started noticing men and male attention in a way that I haven't since before I met Cody. Which is weird, and is not to say that I feel anywhere near ready to date or anything like that.

I'm so confused, and frustrated. I don't know what's appropriate to feel. He's the one that left, shouldn't I be more torn up? I thought vengefulness wasn't supposed to come until later, but I can't help but think about how he's going to be kicking himself someday, because my life is going to be more awesome than his.


May. 1st, 2011 12:56 pm
rena_librarian: (Default)
I leapt out of bed, almost literally, a few moments ago, when the thought struck me that I might be able to see whether or not I'd won.

Nope. Voting still open.

rena_librarian: (Default)
Just spoke with the mod, and the poll will be open until about 5 AM, my time. (Central time. GMT -6 and whatnot.) The voting is so close they wanted to be sure and give the full week to vote, instead of cutting it short by a few hours. Because it might actually count.

So I'll be able to check in the morning while I get ready for work. There's no way I'm staying up, not when I have to work tomorrow, and it's already too late for me to go to bed early enough to get up that early. (I could try, but I'd snooze through my alarms, I know I would, and then I'd end up being late to work, so...yeah.)

On the bright side, win or lose, I'll be putting it on my website tomorrow after work.

AND another Glee fic that I revised tonight.

AND an Animorphs ficlet. (It's <400 words.) I'm the least sure about this one. It's dark and twisted and kind of..."adult." For me.

February 2012


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